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The Mark II Lounge
When I was in college, every Thursday we went to “the Deuce.” The reason why is fairly murky. It’s not because it was particularly near our school. You had to take a cab to get there. Nor was it because there was a lack of dive bars near campus (RIP The Keg of Evanston with your big cups, stale popcorn, and very occasional murder — you served us well). But still, despite its inconvenience, every Thursday without fail a few hundred Northwestern students piled into cabs (usually 7-8 of us thick) and headed across the Evanston/Chicago border to a ridiculous dive bar in Skokie officially called the Mark II Lounge. It was open until 4am, and it was super classy…if by classy you mean exactly the opposite of that.
The rumor was that the tradition of Northwestern students going to the Mark II harkened back to prohibition, when liquor couldn’t be served in Evanston so desperate students found a dive right across the border in Chicago that would serve them (before you go thinking this is a cool 1920’s speakeasy bar, you should know that prohibition basically started in Evanston and then stubbornly held on until the 1970’s). Who knows if that creation story is true, but whatever the reason, we went willingly like herded sheep, and my memories of the Deuce are some of the best of college. The packed dive with random karaoke, cheap, bad beer, and free pizza was the center of a million crazy nights with friends that can only really happen in college. It was a cornerstone of many of our going out experiences. And while there were probably as many nights there crying as laughing and dancing, I couldn’t remember a place more fondly.
A good dive bar isn’t so much about the place, but the energy it gives off. It’s the history that seems to be ground deep into the sticky floors that presumably haven’t been washed ever since your favorite author or singer used to frequent the joint. If Rent measures a life in love, dive bars measure a life in pitchers of cheap beer, terrible bathrooms, crazy knick knacks, jukebox songs that can only be sung while shouting, and the amount of grizzled, tattooed motorcyclists playing pool in the corner. It’s where you play quarters on dirty tables, and happily eat frozen pizza with Bud Light to chase your Jameson shot. Dive bars are a place where you do not walk, you only stumble. And when you stumble upon the perfect dive, it just feels like home.
At Uproxx, we love a fancy cocktail once in awhile, but there’s something irresistible about our favorite dives. And so, we compiled them here. That way you too might enjoy the best dives we’ve found (and personally love) in America. Just do us a favor, don’t make them too hispter-y if you go, we like ’em dirty.
The Sip n’ Dip Lounge (Great Falls, Montana)
Allison Sanchez
Look, I can’t recommend that you fly to Great Falls specifically to go this tiki lounge. But GQ can (and did!) in a list of best bars in the country — saying it was the number one bar on earth worth flying to (okay it was in 2003, but it’s still true!). Great Falls isn’t on my list of top places that I would tell people to visit in Montana (to be honest), but if you’re driving through the state, I would highly recommend a visit to the Sip n’ Dip. It’s a pretty incredible place. The interior has that classic 60’s tiki look that I’ve seen many a bar try to imitate. This is the real deal. Live “Mermaids” swim in the pool behind the bar every night, and you can’t go wrong with a drink the size of a fishbowl (whether you split it or decide to tackle it by yourself is between you and your God). It’s all great, but I think the best part of the Sip n’ Dip is Pat, who has been singing and playing the piano there since 1963. That’s right, this place has an elderly woman who has been performing covers at the little Montana bar for over 50 years and she’s awesome. #lifegoals
Go there. It’s magical.
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Snake and Jake’s, motherfuckers! Not that N.O. has any shortage of awesome dive bars. I do hear Saturn has been hipsterfied…thats a shame. Though my all time crown goes to Snake’s old sister bar, Butlers. Multiple Ataris and murders made every weekend so exciting!
Can’t we find a solid dive bar in the greater Detroit area? Hire me as a consultant, Uproxx. I’ll take 2% of Mr. Isaac’s salary.
I know firsthand that Detroit has a Chili’s
Grubb’s you’re better than that…
There are some GREAT dive bars in Montana, Allison! I’m sure that’s a good one, too, but when I think of divey, not sketchy, bars I think of a lot of the watering holes (ok, I hate that term usually) in small towns in MT. And Pemberton’s pick looks like fun. I love these staff picks!
This was a tricky one, but I think some winners made the list!
A lot of good picks. My favorite dives have been demolished, sadly. I’m wondering if that makes me sort of Ultra Hipster or just old. I feel old so I’ll go with that.
Anyone who drinks in the soulless hellhole that is a Chili’s or a TGI Fridays doesn’t deserve to drink. A dive bar has atmosphere. Atmosphere which comes from dead end drunks drinking their life away under neon lights, old CRT tv’s and wood paneling as far as the eye can see…which isn’t very because light is the enemy.
That being said, growing up in the chicago burbs there are a cornucopia of just such places in every burb. Elgin has some of the best. Hoppe’s, Dutch Inn West and Eatons Redwoof Inn. The latter of which is located next to the pace bus station, metra train station and looks inside and out like something out of Barfly.
Redwood Inn.
The Chili’s thing was Grubb being Grubb! Which we always love.
Funny how seeing Chili’s on here really rustled my jimmies until I saw that Danger wrote that one. It ended up being one of only two that I actually read through (his and Allison’s).
I really hoped Zach would pick a place that none of us peons could ever visit, like some uber authentic bar owned by a fraulein in a 1500 yr old castle.
Good choice of listicle but my personal definition of dive bar means you have to feel dirty when you are there and the majority of the customers have to be over 30. That’s when the real fun starts, when the place is full of hot messes that are there all the time and everyone knows everyone’s business
Ouch.
I didn’t mean it in any negative way, but I could have worded that better.
It’s my normal method of navigating these nationwide lists. I don’t get out of my Houston cave as much as I used to, so I don’t care to read about random places that I will probably never visit. I’ll read anything about Texas, Puerto Rico, or Louisiana, though, because there’s a chance me or someone I know will visit there.
I make exceptions when I see Sanchez or Grubb because they bring the humor pretty consistently.
It’s cool. We all have our faves, and I totally get it because Allison is one of mine. But, you might want to make an exception for Dave Pemberton’s entry because that place sounds amazing.
I’ll check it out (his illustrations are underutilized lately). FWIW, I technically lied because I read your entry before Allison and Brian.
One of the dive bars I have fond memories of is The Hot Dog Shop (not a gay bar) but I had to give it up because it smells so strongly of cigarettes it was giving me headaches on the reg. Also, there was a place in Pensacola outside the naval base main gate that was super ghetto. I think it was in a single wide trailer and had some pretty rough and tumblers in there.
@Fartakiss what happened to our love? Bram is tossed aside for Sanchez and Grubb! And I specifically shouted out a Texas place!
@Brammies I thought things were getting too obvious because of how frequently I vote for your food. But I did see your TX selection and found myself wondering how your hair is doing
@Fartakiss I agree with your criteria – I think a good dive bar hasn’t seen the sun in years and has a stickiness to every bit of furniture in the entire place, which is gross at first but meh by the end.
I also agree with the criteria, which is why my contribution was grimy and underground.
That Portland bar looks pretty damn fun, too. Good pick
was at the Shanghai over the weekend. The place is now largely forgotten in Portland.
@FSUpunk As a nice divey bar ought to be.
If you want to feel the urge to kill rising, go to a dive bar in Boston.
Seriously if you learn about a “dive” bar on Uproxx, you don’t belong there. This stupid virtue signalling needs to stop.
Um… you just did the thing you hate, but like… more obnoxious.
You must be fun to hang out with.
Stevebro sez:
“The bar has a sexy-as-hell Tumblr blog,”
yeah.
“Besides, people love places that feel real.”
what’s more real than a “dive bar” in a town that’s 92% white with a median income of $97K?
Wow, I’ve actually been to 5 of these places. Portland used to have amazing dive bars, but California moved up here and now everything is gentrified and with California prices. The Matador was the best dive bar period.
Yes to 5 Point. I feel like the number of authentic dive-bars in Seattle has greatly diminished the last few years. There is a place on California Ave in West Seattle called Poggie Tavern that is everything a dive should be. Kinda smelly, weird karaoke and/or earnest but horrible live music, pool/darts, tons of pull tabs to waste money on and one of the main guys there looks like Santa’s brother in overalls.