Life

These Christmas Morning Horror Stories Will Make You Cringe

sad christmas
Shutterstock

As kids, nothing felt more exciting than waking up on Christmas morning to see what a strange, bearded man in a red suit had left behind. You clambered downstairs at breakneck speeds just to crash land under either a very real or very plastic evergreen that was, hopefully, outfitted with an array of presents. Tearing through the holiday gift wrap, high on sugar cookies, (good and bad) freak outs were almost guaranteed.

It’s nice to imagine all Christmases as pure bliss, but of course they can’t all be. Sometimes, Christmas is a train wreck. Hopefully the worst  you’re left with are a few embarrassing/funny stories. Since many of us have had those kinds of mornings at one time or another (either as children or as adults), we thought it might be fun to look to Reddit to find some of the internet’s most embarrassing and traumatic Christmas catastrophes.

Now, in the seasonal spirit of giving, we’re sharing them with you:

From HammerOThor, who will never need anyone to lecture him on the uncomfortable intimacy that comes from visiting a loved one’s family.

Well, my wife and I are celebrating our first Christmas together. Last year I was over seas and couldn’t be home. So this year, we went to her mothers for to spend the night. Her mom asked to speak with me in private and took me to the kitchen. She handed me an envelope and told me that her daughters old room was not sound proof and we needed to keep it down. In the envelope… Condoms. But to add insult to injury, they’re extra small.

Family pets are a beloved part of the holidays, running around with their little Santa Claus hats on and opening up their own presents after 5 minutes of everyone watching them struggle to paw at the wrapping paper. Reddit user Greengoddess had a less enjoyable experience, though.

I had a labrador who pissed on the Christmas tree a few years ago. We tried to stop him, we chased him, then the Christmas tree fell on the puddle of pee.

Even more proof that gifts should not be left on the floor when there’s a precocious puppy in the house. For further proof, look to Boognish80‘s mom:

Our beloved puppy somehow got out of her crate while we were at our grandma’s house on christmas morning. She tore into every single gift. Ate everything. My mom had lovingly handmade my sister and I beautiful embroidered purses and they were particularly chewed.

christmas morning 2
Shutterstock

This tale from moderatemoderater could happen to anyone, so, get your flu shots. Bonus points to the author for being able to find the silver lining.

Last Christmas our whole family caught the flu and everybody threw up except for my dad. We all laid around the whole day dehydrated and miserable. But looking back on it, I’m glad we were all able to feel miserable together.

Christmas morning excitement can get the best of us all, but Josh7534 paid the cost for his and it sounds like he lives every day with a reminder of the high cost of exuberance.

Christmas 2000. 9-year-old me ran into my mum & dad’s room excited to open presents. Unfortunately as I was running in, I tripped over a rug and smashed my teeth against my parents bed post. Blood was everywhere. I lost one tooth (luckily a baby tooth) and fractured my adult incisor. I had to wait 6 hours in hospital for a specialist to arrive. Didn’t get to open any of my presents, and had to drink my Christmas dinner through a straw!

We still have the bed post, with 3 clear distinct teeth marks.

Every family has its own set of traditions, but tits_hemingway‘s apparently involved Wild Turkey and some bad decisions.

My dad and my uncle once lit a river on fire setting off the fireworks. That was the last Christmas Eve they were allowed to have Wild Turkey. Also, said uncle’s ten-pound dog once ate an entire fruit cake and then puked it up in fist-sized chunks under the tree. No idea how it’s still alive.

christmas-morning
Shutterstock

Christmas morning is a very fragile time for the psyche of children, but alcoholme gets points for creatively using that to his advantage when it came time to pull a prank on his brother.

my little brother really wanted this PlayStation game for Xmas. I bought it for him but my uncle and i thought it would be hilarious to wrap up a brand new chuck berry cd we had laying around for some reason and give it to him knowing he thought it was the game. when he opened it he got super angry, threw it at a wall across the room and got grounded for the entire rest of Christmas day by my parents. he was in his room all day and couldn’t come out to open any other gifts.

And finally, this is so out there, it’s tough to know how to react. From n00bface:

December 2004 a naked man broke into my house and the officer responding had a k9 officer with him. The dog bit the guy’s testicle off and lacerated his penis. There was blood everywhere. It was on the news. The man won a million-dollar settlement with the city afterwards…. Christmas was kind of gross.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Remember, it might be bad but it could be worse.

×