If Advertisements For Gym Memberships Were Honest

It’s five days into the new year, so inevitably some of us have made a Sisyphean New Year’s resolution and purchased a gym membership we’ll never use. (Though, to be fair, if it were truly Sisyphean, that would be one hell of a workout.)

Gyms are counting on people not using those low-cost monthly memberships; their business model is centered around signing up “lumpen sadballs” who get a rush of “hope endorphins” followed by zero follow-through upon joining up, or at least that’s the argument made in this honest ad by Cracked. They just eviscerated gym culture in the same way they slammed fast-food commercials.

If nothing else, the ad is worth it for the names of the fake classes available at “Horton’s Center To Move Around In”:

  • Panic Cycling
  • Get Yelled At While Moving
  • Probably Aerobics
  • Word That Means ‘Muscular’
  • Sexy Muscular
  • Always Feel Sorry
  • MMA For Office
  • Military Veteran Who Kills
  • M.A.N.L.Y. A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
  • Group Text
  • Everything Is Dope
  • Zumba
  • Dance Dance Revolution

I think I’m enrolled in that “Always Feel Sorry” class, but not voluntarily. Anyway, check out the video above for some sad truths about yoga, automatic re-enrollments, and germs. Germs everywhere.

(Via Laughing Squid)