John Oliver Takes Us All To Task Over How Forgiving We Are Towards Chipotle

Last Week Tonight has finally returned, and on top of tackling America’s broken voting system, host John Oliver made us all take a long hard look at why we are still eating at Chipotle. After all, there were issues with norovirus, salmonella, and E. coli, not to mention the Federal criminal investigation, but they took a half day to learn some new policies, so we’re good, right?

Still, people are returning to the burrito joint in droves. Why? Because those burrito bowls are so damn delicious. People are helpless against the allure of carnitas, even if the guac is extra. Even though we know that it’s bad for us, we keep going back, leading Oliver to dub Chipotle “officially America’s emotionally abusive boyfriend.”

Last Week Tonight has had some hilarious faux-commercials over the course of the show’s run, but this one featuring the always welcome Andy Daly might take the cake. As a power drunk Chipotle representative, Daly lets us all know that we’re helpless against those 1,000 calorie “healthy” burritos. With the cockiness of a Bond villain, Daly asks us, “What would it take to stop you?” And to that, I say, what else are we going to do? Cook for ourselves?