So, you’ve met someone. You’re enjoying the blissful first days of a relationship, the pressure-free thrill. Then, reality begins to set in. First, you tackle the friends. And then – later down the line, if you’re lucky – come the parents.
No matter what age, meeting your significant other’s folks is a daunting and somewhat terrifying task. For some, the initial introduction goes smoothly, but for the less fortunate, horrifying first impressions can haunt the entire relationship.
These hilarious tales from Reddit make even Gaylord Fockers’ in-laws look approachable.
Nothing says “I’m sleeping with your daughter!” better than a near-death experience and some bodily fluids. From quiteright:
My girlfriend had me over for dinner at her parents house for the first time. Steak dinner with all of the fixins’. I take my first bite, swallow, immediately start choking. I’m so scared that I’m going to make a bad impression, so I took a drink of water to try to wash it down. Didn’t work, so after about fifteen seconds without a single breath my face turns red, so I start freaking out an point at my throat. So my girlfriend’s mom does the Heimlich maneuver and I throw up all over the floor. Her two miniature schnauzers start licking up the aftermath, girlfriend’s dad puts his napkin down and leaves the room.
Dealing with cultural biases can be an uncomfortable part of meeting someone’s family. As, jambelaw‘s story demonstrates.
I dated a Korean guy for a month or so in high school. I went to his house after school one day, and encountered his dad on the sidewalk before we made it there. He looks at me, looks at his son, and begins pointing at me and yelling at him in Korean. I had to awkwardly stand there for about five minutes of them going back and forth, before we parted ways and I just went home. Turns out he didn’t want him dating a non-Korean.
And from atomosk:
My wife brought me to Japan to meet her parents. She hadn’t told them she was even dating anyone. She had told them she was bringing a friend from America and they assumed she meant a woman. When her father picked us up at the train station and saw her standing with a hairy white guy he looked devastated, though he tried to hide it.
Dinner was awkward and quiet. Two days later her whole family came over and interrogated me, asking if I was going to marry their daughter. Telling them that I wanted to was basically how I proposed. Her mother started crying, and not in a good way.
Alcohol and bad food reactions absolutely never mix with introductions. Right, thebozman?
When I was 16, my also 16-year old girlfriend of 2 weeks got so hammered at a party that we called an ambulance. I met her parents in the ER as their daughter they didn’t know drank was having her stomach pumped.
My sister’s boyfriend met my parents for the first time at a Mexican restaurant. He was too shy to tell them he couldn’t tolerate spicy food. About 15 minutes in he was sweating profusely and had dropped the bottle of wine on the table and all over my mum. While trying to help her clean it up and dry his face, he set his napkin down on a candle and managed to start a small fire.
Dads will always be dads, in every situation. Antics range from threatening boyfriends with weaponry and, believe it or not, exhibitionist behavior.
Aeosculap‘s girlfriend’s dad had his supplies at the ready when they first met.
Was dropping off my new girlfriend at home, after high school, and as I’m pulling out of the driveway, she comes back out and tells me her dad wants to speak to me for a minute. I’m a bit apprehensive at this point, from what I know of her dad: conservative; only wants his daughters dating boys in their church (which I wasn’t even close); shouldn’t have been home till later; ex-marine.
So, I park the car, get out, follow her inside, and she points me to the kitchen. I walk into the kitchen, hearing this scraping sound, and I find her dad sitting at a small table. In only his underwear, holding a whetstone, and what appears to be a marine’s sword, which he’s sharpening. My first though is ‘I thought those were ceremonial.’ First words out of his mouth were ‘What are your intentions towards my daughter?’
Janemorrisgoodall got to see the full monty:
I was invited to a (former) boyfriend’s house for dinner to meet his parents. When I got there, his father wasn’t yet home from work so we decided to go for a walk. Boyfriend’s mother told us to be back to the house by 5, so we were playfully racing each other back so as to make it in time.
I got to the door a few paces ahead of him, opened the door, and found myself face-to-face with his dad who was standing stark naked in front of the door. I turned around and hid around the corner, the father kind of yelped and ran down the hall, and we were both mortified. Turns out he came home and was getting ready to shower when the phone rang, so he answered it naked since he hadn’t expected us back yet.
Met and hooked up with a girl on vacation. Went to meet her one night at her parents’ place in the middle of nowhere, in a blizzard. Way out in the woods there aren’t the best street signs and by this point the snow is accumulating on the road. Got super lost, called her on my cell and she says to “keep going” down the road I’m on. I do, and end up stuck in what I think is just a bunch of snow on the road. I’ve got a 4WD truck, but it’s hung up and not going anywhere. Walk back toward the nearest lights and eventually find her house.
Explain this to her parents’ (who couldn’t have been the most enamoured with me since I crashed in their condo the week before, boned their daughter and peaced when they arrived). Her dad comes and helps me dig out my truck, and points out that I managed to drive off the road and into the bush for like 500ft. He and I wrestle the truck out onto the road, in the process severely screwing up his back to the point that he can’t really walk. The middling relationship with the girl ends not long after.
There is nothing like sharing life-changing, upsetting and uncomfortable moments together as a family. So says whalecat:
Not me, but this is what happened when my boyfriend met my parents.
We had been dating for about 4 months so I figured it was time for them all to be introduced. My parents came up visit me at my apartment, so I had my boyfriend come over at the same time so he could meet them. As I did introductions, they said, ‘Whalecat’s boyfriend, it’s nice to meet you! We’re actually really glad you’re here…because, Whalecat, we need to talk to you about something.’
And then they told me they were separating. He was pretty awkward around them for awhile, but it’s been a few years since then so it’s cool now, and we can laugh about it.
Did we mention that moms are weird too? Don’t mess with moms. Thelieswetell learned the hard way.
About two weeks after we started dating my ex’s mother came in for a visit. I wasn’t really looking to meet her yet but I said whatever, let’s get it over with. She was polite for most of it but after about 15 minutes of conversation she motioned for me to come over and picks up her purse. She then pulls out this small knife and tells me it’s the one she uses to cut people who hurt her daughter. Shocked but not fazed I proceeded to show her the much larger knife I keep in my car in case of carjackings and told her I keep this in case people try to cut me. A very awkward 10 minutes followed while her daughter was getting dressed. That relationship didn’t last much longer.
And, finally, from thumpersoldiersgirl:
I had dropped off my husband(then boyfriend) after school and he invited me in to meet his dad. So I come in, I get introduced, we make some small talk. When I notice that my sister (who had driven us there) had moved her car. So I look out their front door to see where she went. When I stood up I knocked my head against her wooden shot glass holder display case. Next thing I know I hear glass shattering everywhere. I am just standing there in tears, while more shot glasses pour out of the display cases.
Luckily his step-mother wasn’t actually home, and his father and grandfather have a good laugh while I help sweep up the glass. To this day I still get teased about it.