Yesterday on AskReddit, people wrote about the strange and secret things they do behind closed doors with their significant others (NSFW). As it turns out, couples get into some pretty weird stuff when they’re alone. Is some of the weirdness sexual in nature? Very much so. But most of the confessions are surprisingly chaste in their weirdness.
Belly hugs (via VolleyVinyl)
Sometimes, when we hug, we lift our shirts up so that our stomachs are touching. Just feeling outer sensitive skin against each other is really, really nice.
A lot of the time we do it as soon as someone leaves the room. One of us will say “tummies!” And we’ll quickly lift and embrace. Sometimes he shivers. It’s nice.
Edit: also, we programmed the tip of his penis as a Touch ID on my phone.
[Way to finish the post strong VolleyVinyl! -ed]
Phone foot (via aznman375)
Sometimes when she’s feeling down, I take her foot and put it up to my head and pretend I’m talking on the (foot) phone. I’ll have these long, drawn out conversations, and sometimes I’ll get a call on the other line (foot).
Sweatpants monsters (via OId_Gregg)
We put on oversized sweatpants, pull them up to our shoulders, and proceed to chase each other around the house.
Synchronized farting (via EarwaxPanties)
[W]ell..i have never been able to burp…ever..maybe when i was a newborn? But for some reason i just can’t burp…so when I have a stomach ache or a feeling I know is gas I do the “face down ass up” method. Where I lay on my stomach and arch my ass in the air and it helps relieve whatever gas I have..so my girlfriend caught wind of this and was like what is wrong with you. I explained it to her and now she does it. So periodically if you walk into my house you’ll see my girlfriend and I laying on the floor with our asses in the air, farting away.
Lick fights (via classypterodactyl)
We have lick fights.
NO, NOT THE BUTTHOLE.
It starts with some cuddling, then I lick his cheek. He licks my forehead. It eventually becomes full-on wrestling with us trying desperately to get the other covered in slobber (no spitting allowed, that’s just rude). I’ve gotten bruises from lick-fights, and we keep a tally.
Role-playing with fake accents (via FarewellAngelina)
We’re both British, but for years we’ve talked with American accents when we’re alone. It’s very bizarre and I don’t really know how it started, but it’s now pretty much the only way we talk to each other. weird habit.
Lots of role-playing with fake accents (via Death_has_relaxed_me)
We ad lib interactions between two stereotypical, mid-western, middle aged, single women, one of which whom is always named “Barb”.
We have quite a few good stories and our fake mid-western accents are getting really awesome!
But despite how strange these confessions are (and the rest of the thread goes to some pretty odd places), one thing is clear: Only two people who are deeply in love could be this open, weird, and completely disgusting with each other. If you could put money on such things, we would bet that these couples will be belly-to-belly hugging and tandem farting for the rest of their lives. Because relationships aren’t just about finding that special someone to grow old with, they’re about finding that special someone to grow old with who will also hold your dong while you pee.
She likes to hold my wang while I pee. It fascinates her.
You hold onto that fine lady, Ab22H66. You hold on with both hands.