Last month was interesting, right? Everyone nailed their dishes and you — our beloved fans — gushed. At the end of the day, we slapped one another on the butts and moved on. No one tweeted to me about my terrible ingredient choices, wrote microfiction about Vince, or riffed on Zach’s love for sous vide in comments for a random post. There were few burns to be had; three great chilis led to no heat.
Sure, sure, it was cool to see three people cook well all at once, but it certainly wasn’t the most thrilling entry in the series.
- No Vince-the-foodie-cool-kid making a fatal error because of his colorblindness (and essential confusion over what the hell “stew” is)?
- No Zach-the-experienced-chef regaling us with tall tales of eating grunions on a catamaran in Mexico?
- No Steve-the-culinary-try-hard adding ginger ale and a handful of Sour Warheads to his bubbling pot?
Screeeeeew that. What joy is there, without mistakes for you to tease? What fun is cooking well if a fellow chef isn’t getting shredded? This is cooking battle, not cooking friends. The burns are half the fun. Maybe all the fun, for those of you who can’t actually taste what we prepare.
Well good news, pals: It’s February and the lovefest is officially over. We all got a little weird on this one. We swung for the fences. We made mistakes. We teased one another’s techniques, ingredients, and distant relatives. We piled it on — both with our dishes (none of us made “minimalist nachos”) and with the criticism.
No more talk, it’s game time! Tear into us, then tear into these three Super Bowl nachos!
BLT Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
Mac & Cheese Showdown — 1) Vince 2) (tie) Zach, Steve
Taco Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Winter Stew Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
Date Night Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Pasta Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Hot Beef Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Vince 3) Steve
Shellfish Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Zach 3) Steve
BBQ Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Zach 3) Vince
Pumpkin Spice Showdown — 1) (tie) Vince, Zach 2) Steve
Thanksgiving Side Dish Showdown — 1) Vince 2) Steve 3) Zach
Christmas Dessert Showdown — 1) Steve 2) Vince 3) Zach
Chili Cook-off Showdown — 1) Zach 2) Steve 3) Vince
We’re giving three points to the winner and one to second place for each round. As it stands, the score is:
STEVE’S MODIFIED “NACHO BELL GRANDE”
Once upon a time, there was a high school senior named Steve Bramucci. He dyed his hair bottle blond, wore a puka shell necklace, and shopped at J.Crew. He owned a cherry red Honda Prelude and spent money in all of the ways a 17-year-old might consider “lavish.”