Before we had big-screen showings for Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America, and certainly before we had Andrew Garfield and the upcoming adventures of Spider-teen, there was Sony’s Spider-Man, starring Tobey Maguire.
Due to the scope of what Marvel Studios has accomplished, the prestige of Christopher Nolan’s Batman films, the Spidey reboot, and the upcoming re-re-boot, people forget that the first Spider-Man movie was actually pretty groundbreaking when it was released back in 2002. Many felt the same about Spider-Man 2 in 2004 and all seemed right with the world before the franchise hit a roadblock after someone decided to assemble the unholy trinity that was Eric Foreman as Venom, the Sandman, and Peter Parker’s evil bangs for Spider-Man 3. The bad of the franchise doesn’t outweigh the good, though, and with anticipation growing that the next Spider-Man actor could be announced in the relatively near future and with all this Marvelness going on this weekend thanks to the release of Avengers: Age of Ultron, it seemed like a good time to take a look back at some of the best lines from the original Spider-Man trilogy. And given that Spider-Man is known to be the king of mid-battle banter, picking the best was pretty tough.
“Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I’m Spider-Man.” — Peter Parker
One of the most iconic lines in the history of comic book movies, right there. It pretty much has to make an appearance in any of the character’s movies, television shows, and storylines.
“Go web! Fly! Up, up and away web! Shazaam! Go! Go! Go web, go! …Tally ho!” — Spider-Man
It was good to know that Peter Parker didn’t just instinctively know how to shoot his webs. Watching his learning curve was both endearing and hilarious as he tried anything that came to mind.
“Godspeed, Spider-Man… Oh Peter, don’t tell Harry.” — Norman Osborne
Willem Dafoe;s best moment as the Green Goblin came when he finally took that damned mask off and was able to act with some expression. Too bad for him, Harry eventually found out and didn’t take it all that well. Also, Dafoe’s alternate takes on the Green Goblin’s death are pretty great too.
“I’ll be here when you get back…” — Cop
“I’m not coming back, chief.” — Spider-Man
“Go! Go!” — Cop
Spider-Man has always had a love-hate relationship with the local authorities. They’ve gone from treating him as a necessary evil, to a trusted ally, and back to somewhere in the middle. This was an early example of what would go on to be a cyclical relationship for the web-slinger.
“The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout, Down came the Goblin and took the spider out!
This is so much better and more menacing than having a naked, fluorescent Jamie Foxx playing the same song by turning New York City’s electric grid into a deadly electric guitar.
“Nice to have a fan…” — Spider-Man
“Do I get to say thank you this time?” — Mary Jane
The moment everyone remembers about this movie: Spider-Man hanging upside down as he kisses Mary Jane Watson with his face half-revealed.
“You do too much. College, a job, all this time with me. You’re not Superman, you know.” — Aunt May
Aunt May made us ponder the possibility of a massive multi-company crossover universe way before Patton Oswalt did it.
Everything J. Jonah Jameson said.
J.K. Simmons was the angry, bitter cheapskate of an Editor-in-Chief that never had a boring scene. There was a direct correlation between Simmons’ wig and laughter. As a kid, I imagined having a boss like him one day.
“Help him, Harry!” — Mary Jane
“Which one?” — Harry Osborne
Taking a page right out of Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf, the newly-powered geek gets to take on his bully in front of everyone and easily wins. Unfortunately, things go a little bit too far in the end and the geek becomes the bully.
“I’m back! I’m back!… My back. My back….” — Peter Parker
Ah, classic slapstick humor. Peter thought he had gotten his powers back after some–er, performance anxiety, but ends up paying for his mistake.
“Go get ‘em, Tiger.” — Mary Jane
It looks like true love always prevails. Especially if you’re a superhero that saves the life of the person you love at least once every other week. Could you really expect her to marry someone else? Better yet, a Jameson?
“A man has to be understanding and put his wife before himself. Can you do that, Peter?” — Aunt May
Great wisdom handed down from the closest elder Peter has in his life. Little did she know that Peter was dealing with much more than an average young man pining after the girl next door.
“Uncle Ben meant the world to us. But he wouldn’t want us living one second with revenge in our hearts. It’s like a poison. It can — it can take you over. Before you know it, turn us into something ugly.” — Aunt May
More wisdom from Aunt may. This week’s lesson: corporal punishment.
“Never wound what you can’t kill.” — Venom
This may not have been the Venom debut that fans were hoping for, but he has a point: don’t bite off more than you can chew. Make sure you can finish what you start. Etc.
“I’m not a bad person. Just had bad luck.” — Flint Marko
Who would’ve thought that the Sandman would bring up the eternal debate of “Nurture vs. Nature?” Is he really just another villain, or was he just thrown into bad circumstances and had to roll with the punches?
“If you want the shots I’ll take the staff job, double the money.” — Peter Parker
This line is already great because Peter finally stood up to J. Jonah. But would you look at that hair? And that dancing? Everyone he encounters either thinks he looks like a fool or are really digging the look. Apparently people that wear bangs are evil badasses?