All Of Alan’s Incredibly Dumb And Memorable Lines From ‘The Hangover’

When Zach Galfianakis starred in his breakout role as Alan in The Hangover trilogy, he simultaneously created a kick-ass Halloween costume and one of the most quotable dim-witted characters in recent memory. He also made it okay to be a weird, black-sheep friend. Because compared to him, those guys now look like champs. So, in honor of Alan and his enduring appeal, here are 14 of the dumbest things he said in the first Hangover movie.

“I’ve found a baby before.”

“Plus, it’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.”

“Hey! There are skittles in there!”

“This isn’t the real Caesar’s Palace is it?”

“Hey, Phil, look. He’s jackin’ his little weenis.”

“Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?”

“Nobody’s gonna f*ck on you! We’re on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn’t your fault. I’ll get you some pants.”

“Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!”

“You better walk on. I’ll hit an old man in public.”

“I don’t care what happens. I don’t care if we kill someone.”

“I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”

“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.”

“Oh you know what, next weeks no good for me, the Jonas brothers are in town.”

“Counting cards is a foolproof system. […] It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.”

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