An Evangelical Mom Rewrote ‘Harry Potter’ Without Any Of That Pesky Wizardry

Senior Pop Culture Editor
09.25.14 21 Comments

Everyone knows the worst thing about the Harry Potter series is all the magic. Hey, J.K. Rowling, why don’t you stop just kidding and start writing something REAL? Grace Ann’s children have been asking to read the books, and because she loves her kids, she did what any good Evangelical stay-at-home mom would do: “make some slight changes so these books are family friendly.” Goodbye spells, hello Heaven.

A brief excerpt, if you’ll allow, from Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles.

“What is a Christian?” Harry queried innocently; and scuffed his shoe on the shaggy, yellow carpet which had not been vacuumed in quite some time.

“Christians are people who want to be good,” Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. “We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?”

Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious.

“Heaven is a beautiful place where we can be with God.”

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven’t you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things.”

Hagrid laughed wisely. “Evolution is a fairytale. You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Yes, I do!” Aunt Petunia screeched.

“Well then prove it!” (Via)

TO BE CONTINUED…at the source. The only wizardry and witchcraft here: the magic of imagination.

FanFiction via Jezebel

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