Armie Hammer Really Wants To Own A Minivan, So Let’s Put Armie Hammer In Minivan TODAY

Uproxx/Annapurna/Arnaud Mesureur on Unsplash

I follow Armie Hammer on Twitter because he’s been in some movies that I really like (Sorry To Bother You and Call Me By Your Name). Like a lot of people that I follow, I only come in contact with his tweets accidentally. It’s like a little surprise. This week, however, I saw two of Armie Hammer’s tweets and they were both about one thing: the wonder of minivans, and how much he loves them. I feel that. Hard. And I want to help.


In the first Tweet, you can tell that Hammer’s interest is piqued. He’s doubtlessly impressed by the utility and the space minivans offer. And he doesn’t give a wit about the tired stigma of minivan ownership. There’s a lesson to be learned from Hammer’s ability to shrug at perceived uncoolness.

It’s at this point that I should confess that for a few months in the early aughts, my parents had two minivans as their sole means of transport: a Dodge Caravan and a Plymouth Voyager. These were identical save for the nameplate (and the color). I don’t remember why this happened, but it did. And I hated it… outwardly. Internally, I cooed about the chance to take a long trip in a dope backseat captain’s chair that could recline or crawl back to the third row to ball up and nap like a plump kitten.

Minivans are pretty freaking amazing. If you take the seats out (SOMETIMES YOU CAN TAKE THE SEATS OUT), you can help a friend move a small love seat on a rainy day. Minivans are the cargo sweatpants of vehicles and I mean that in the best way possible. I can admit all of this now in a public space thanks to Armie Hammer.

Back to the tweets and the mission at hand — putting Armie Hammer in a minivan TODAY.


That first tweet was refreshing, but that he came back to the subject matter two days later, unprompted, to reveal that the research phase had begun (and that minivans with vacuums in them are blowing his mind) is what made me want to write this. Because now I know this love is real. This isn’t just some passing fancy. Armie Hammer, handsome movie star, has been taking time out of his glamorous life to think about minivans. Swoon.