‘Human Centipede 3’ Will Feature A ‘500-Person Prison Centipede,’ Obviously

The first Human Centipede film was released in 2009 and featured three people sewn together mouth-to-anus. The sequel, Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence, was released in 2011 and featured a 12-person chain — a 400% increase — constructed by a maniac who became obsessed with the first film, to the point that one of the people in his chain was an actress from the original, as herself, because why not take your franchise about sewing faces to rumps and send it up its own butt a little, right?

Anyway, this brings us to the third film, Human Centipede Part 3 (Final Sequence). Yes, Human Centipede is a trilogy now. And I have good(-ish) news: It has a release date (May 22 in theaters and on VOD), will be “100 percent politically incorrect,” and will feature A 500-PERSON HUMAN CENTIPEDE MADE OF AMERICAN PRISON INMATES.

Entertainment Weekly scored the synopsis:

Bully prison warden Bill Boss (Dieter Laser), leading a big state prison in the US of A, has a lot of problems; his prison statistically has the highest amount of prison riots, medical costs and staff turnover in the country. But foremost he is unable to get the respect he thinks he deserves from his inmates and the state Governor (Eric Roberts). He constantly fails in experimenting with different ideas for the ideal punishment to get the inmates in line, which drives him, together with the sizzling heat, completely insane. Under threats of termination by the Governor, his loyal right hand man Dwight (Laurence R Harvey) comes up with a brilliant idea. A revolutionary idea which could change the American prison system for good and save billions of dollars. An idea based on the notorious Human Centipede movies, that will literally and figuratively get the inmates on their knees, creating the ultimate punishment and deterrent for anyone considering a life of crime. Having nothing to lose, Bill and Dwight create a jaw-dropping 500-person prison centipede.

I have three questions.

One, are we sewing these people together all at once or one at a time? Because if we’re going one at a time, being first is a real gift and a curse. PRO: Mouth not attached to an anus. (It’s a big PRO.) CON: Longest time kneeling, as you’re already down while 498 other inmates get to mozy abound the yard for a few more minutes. You’d be so bored. No thank you.

Two, what if this is a huge hit and they decide to keep making them and it turns into the next Fast & Furious and it just keeps growing and growing and eventually The Rock shows up and everyone goes to Brazil? Can’t rule it out.

Three, how in the world did it take Eric Roberts until the third film to show up in one of these? Come on, guy.