A Belated But Necessary Tribute To Kylie Minogue’s Character In ‘San Andreas’

07.20.16 2 years ago 21 Comments

As someone who works from home and is constantly in search of something decent to put on television during the day, HBO’s decision to run the movie San Andreas roughly 20 times a week this summer has been a godsend. San Andreas might be the perfect leave-on-in-the-background-while-you-do-other-things action movie. It’s got everything: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson commandeering planes and boats, an exasperated Paul Giamatti doing science things, a tsunami. I can’t for the life of me think of why anyone would need more from an action movie than that. But upon multiple, multiple viewings, I’ve realized that none of that is the best part of the movie. The best part is Kylie Minogue’s brief appearance as an awful woman who falls out of a skyscraper.

First, San Andreas, in short: A massive earthquake hits California and The Rock rushes to save his family. This is interesting because The Rock’s character is some sort of rescue helicopter pilot, presumably with a salary and equipment provided by the government for the benefit of all its endangered citizens, but The Rock immediately abandons his duties and zooms past thousands of dying Californians in the government-issue chopper to save his ex-wife and daughter (Carla Gugino and Alexandra Daddario, respectively), and it is never addressed even for a second. If you’re thinking to yourself, “Hey, this is starting to sound like the kind of action movie where the main character says the title of the movie out loud in the movie, followed by intense music and a big sweeping crane or helicopter shot,” well…

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