Tiffany Haddish is the only good celebrity.
The Girls Trip star (and recent SNL host) is hilarious, candid, and gives great advice. Haddish closed her interview with the New York Times, only the most prestigious newspaper in the country, by telling the reporter, “Thank you, it’s wonderful speaking with you too, girl. I hope you get a million dollars or meet the man of your dreams. I hope something magical happens for you, girl.”
We should all be so lucky as to have a Haddish in our life, but the real Tiffany Haddish was in New York on Wednesday, accepting the award for Best Supporting Actress at the New York Film Critics Circle. She also gave a speech that one critic in attendance called the “best acceptance speech of all time.”
“I want to thank God, because without God, my mom and daddy wouldn’t have put their two uglies together and made me; they put two crazy people together to make one awesome crazy person.”
“All night I’ve been staring at this bitch [Quan Yin Buddha], I’m trying to figure out, who is this bitch? When I look her, I feel like I’m looking at myself: she’s taking a nap but she’s doing a lot of stuff, all at the same time! That’s what my life has been like that last year. I’m asleep, but I’m woke.”
“I’m thankful for the critics. I’m learning a lot about you guys. The only critics I knew before this were Siskel and Ebert and when they passed I was like, ‘Oh well.'”
“I hope everybody in here is super happy and super rich, and if you’re not happy, change your thought patterns and start having happy thoughts, because it’s your fault you’re not happy. Nobody’s in control of your emotions but you.”
Haddish directly addressed the critics in the room at one point. “I know some people in here are going to talk shit about me,” she said. “It’s okay. You know why it’s okay? Because you care enough to say something. If you didn’t say nothing, then you didn’t care. So if you said something, thank you. I don’t care if it’s positive or negative. I appreciate you. I’m glad you see me. ‘Cause there were so many years nobody saw me. You know when you’re a little kid going through the system, you wonder, ‘Does anyone even know I’m alive?’ To be able to be this example to so many people like me, that you guys have no clue about, but they’re coming because I keep the f*cking door open.”
Okay, there are only two good celebrities, then. Here’s the full speech.