Do you remember the Ewoks playing drums on Stormtrooper helmets in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi? Or how they easily captured then attempted to eat Han Solo and Luke Skywalker? How about their arrows tipped with a deadly, painful neurotoxin and their dead shark eyes and their tiny mouths that lacked incisors for ripping meat and yet they seemed perfectly content with eating human flesh anyway? If you forgot (or never noticed), watch the video above and prepare to have nightmares, because Cracked’s new episode of Obsessive Pop Culture Disorder lays out the argument for “Why The Ewoks Are Goddamn Terrifying, Everybody.”
In the episode, host Dan O’Brien rants for a good seven minutes about the terrifying nature of Ewoks.
“Look at this asshole. Look at this asshole’s head. What is that thing? I’ll tell ya. It’s the face of some animal that is objectively more terrifying than the Ewoks on a superficial level, and this Ewok killed it and made a hat. Made a hat out of its f*cking head. He’s showing us that he — a cute thing — is more terrifying than a legitimately terrifying-looking thing.”
Still less terrifying than what it probably feels like to hug one of those things.