To be a true rock star, in the most Almost Famous meaning of the term, you need to do three things: 1) Rock and roll all night, 2) Par-tay ev-er-y day, and 3) Have a ridiculous sex life. You think Megadeth became a huge band because of their musical ability? Ha. It’s because the ladies told true stories about how Dave Mustaine is a “considerate lover.” How do I know this? It’s not because my mom told me. Rather, I read about it on Groupie Dirt, a website last updated in the early 2000s that chronicled the sex lives of famous musicians, as told by the people who’d know best: groupies. And your mom told me.
Here are my 10 favorite “stories.” You’ll never think of Billie Joe Armstrong in the same way again.
Glenn Danzig is “unlikable” and “strange,” says a groupie who encountered him in 1994. Other women say he’s be polite and he likes “playing the field.” His penis is reportedly 5 inches. Groupies say that Glenn likes a certain look on women: black leather or vinyl, high heels, and fishnet stockings will do the trick. Glenn also thinks smoking is a turn-off, so don’t you dare light up in front of him!
Social Distortion lead singer Mike Ness can reportedly suck his own penis and he likes to show off by doing this. Mike also likes to put his hands down the pants of unsuspecting female fans and fondle himself in front of them.
DJ/dance artist Moby may have a “sensitive guy” image, but groupies say don’t be fooled. Several of them have said that Moby has a sexually transmitted disease and that he doesn’t tell his sexual partners about it…and he likes to have unprotected sex. Despite this sexual insensitivity, Moby is friendly to his fans. When it comes to picking up women, Moby prefers intelligence and good looks doesn’t hurt either. He’s dated actresses Christina Ricci and Natalie Portman, so Moby apparently likes petite brunettes who are much younger than he is. If you plan to have sexual contact with Moby and his “South Side” isn’t wearing a condom, do it at your own risk!
Kid Rock is one of the “filthiest” rock stars around, says a groupie who had him and apparently loved every minute of it. He’s into orgies, exhibitionism, and fisting. And like Bill Clinton, Kid Rock likes cigars…and not just for smoking!
Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich is “unforgiven” for being a sexual disappointment. One groupie who had him said his technique is “wham bam thank you maam” and Lars sometimes has trouble getting his uncircumcised penis up. We also hear that Lars talks too much and his fondness for alcohol and cocaine “doesn’t make for a lot of fun…paranoid and a limp dick!” We also hear Lars likes lesbian sex, but then again, most men do. Meanwhile, Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett has earned high praise for his lovemaking abilities, with one lady describing him as “fantastic” with a “gorgeous dick.” Kirk is an admitted bisexual swinger who’s been known to frequent sex clubs with his wife. Bass guitarist Jason Newsted is also a great lover, according to one lady who says that he was able to satisfy to her needs.
‘N Sync may have a squeaky-clean, teen idol image but they like to score with plenty of willing groupies. Joey Fatone is said to be the horniest guy in the group and will make it with groupies who love to give blowjobs. Chris Kirkpatrick has also one of the group’s biggest players and since he broke up with his longtime girlfriend, he may be on the prowl again. ‘N Sync pretty boys Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez aren’t too aggressive when it comes to picking up girls, and they’re said to be very selective. (Only attractive girls need apply.) Although if those bisexual rumors about JC are true, (attractive) guys can apply with him too.
Roger Daltrey of the Who is a sexist pig, according to one groupie who encountered him in the ’60s. She says he can be abusive and she warns groupies to stay away from him. We don’t know if Roger has changed all that much but you might want to think twice before you play the “see me, feel me” game with Roger.
Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst is like a dog in heat, according to a female who experienced him more than once. And if you’re getting some “nookie” from Fred, don’t be surprised if Fred’s dog is nearby! Meanwhile, Limp Bizkit lead guitarist Wes Borland has been described as a jerk.
Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has the smallest penis of any rock star we know about. Billie’s “little willy” is only about 3 inches. Meanwhile, drummer Tre Cool been described as a “sexual deviant.”
Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is considered the best rock star to have sex with, according to a survey done on Groupie Central’s message board. He’s been described as a “sex god.” Steven earned high praise from all the groupies who had sex with him, and he was singled out in particular for his oral sex abilities. Steven puts that ample mouth of his to good use!