Hey Shawty, Don't Forget To Buy Your Justin Bieber Hallmark Cards

Last Thursday marked the 18th birthday of Canadian pop star and global icon Justin Bieber, as well as the day that a million teenage girls laughed maniacally knowing they now possess the power to put him in jail for 5 to 7 years. But silly state laws aside, Bieber is, above all else, a walking, talking ATM for any music artist, movie producer or general businessman who has enough common sense to work with the pint-sized crooner. The latest entity to wake up and smell the CHA-CHING? Hallmark.

That’s right, to celebrate the Biebz’ coming of age, Hallmark decided that turning him into the face of a new line of greeting cards was a good idea. And of course it is. Teenage and pre-teen girls will be lining up at every shopping mall on Earth, begging their soulless, defeated fathers to buy them a card. For what occasion? None, other than to have something to rub against their faces at night as they hum, “Baby Baby Baby.”

Tell us what these masterpieces will look like, Sacramento Bee:

The variety of Justin Bieber Hallmark cards will feature innovations, including lights, songs from the pop sensation, motion and pop-up displays, and also will double as collectors’ items with door hangers, photo inserts and more. Ranging from $2.57-$9.99, the cards come in bright colors, include a photo of Justin and express a variety of playful sentiments, like “Hope your big day rocks like never before,” and “You must be one of my biggest fans ’cause you blow me away, girl!”

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. In case you’re dying to know what these cards look like, but you’re afraid that you’ll be trampled to death by hundreds of pairs of hormone-driven Keds, I was able to get my hands on some of the new Bieber greeting cards, and you know what? They’re not too shabby.