Here are some numbers for you:
- The Rolling Stones have a combined age of 285 years.
- The average age of the band’s four surviving members is 71 years old.
- The band’s oldest member, drummer Charlie Watts, turned 74 on June 2.
Keep those numbers in mind.
The band recently wrapped up their 1,256th tour (estimated), and the intrepid reporters at TMZ were able to score the band’s rider. This is where those numbers come into play because, if I were to ask what you might think would be on the rider for a bunch of dudes in their 70s out on yet another tour, I’m assuming you’d guess at least one or two of the following:
- Orthopedic shoes
- A nice cardigan
- World War II documentaries
- A bottle of Brandy
- Reruns of Pawn Stars on VHS
- A selection of classic car magazines
- A hotel room with the Golf Channel
- Pictures of their grandkids
- A poster of that Sophia Loren dame
Those all seem like reasonable guesses. Except this is The Rolling Stones we’re talking about. According to TMZ, this is what Stones are asking for:
- A hotel bar that doesn’t close
They don’t give a hoot if it’s legal or not. If Keith Richards wants a night cap at 4 a.m., he’s going to get one.
- Blacked out windows
Because everyone knows sunlight increases the aging process, and even the Stones know that they can’t keep this up forever. Or can they?
- Extra butlers for large room service requests
Mick likes options. Lots of options. And what if Ronnie Wood wants to do some painting? Dudes are going to have to haul up some canvases and water colors, chop, chop. Charlie is pretty easygoing, but he likes the company. Keith’s room has the Do Not Disturb sign out before he even gets there.
- After-hours dry-cleaning
Something is getting messy somehow. We’ll just leave it at that.
- Plenty of smokes for the blokes
Marlboro Reds and Marlboro Lights. The Reds are for Keith because, screw it, he’s come this far and not died.
Actually, “not died” might be up for some debate.
- Written instructions on how to use all the electronics in the room
Uh… what? That’s not very rock ‘n’ roll. Makes you wonder how many Stones shows have been delayed because Ronnie can’t figure out how to set the flippin’ alarm clock? Really, it just goes to show that no matter how hard you try, your age is still your age.
Even if you are The Rolling Stones.