Within hours of going on sale, tickets to Taylor Swift’s 1989 tour sold out for dates in New York, Boston, Chicago, Phoenix, Dallas, Chicago, and Pittsburgh. You can, however, still see her at Philadelphia’s Lincoln Financial Field, because they’re not available until November 21st. But tens of thousands of teenage girls are already begging their parents to not only use their credit card (“I’LL PAY U BACK,” they text from the next room, before adding a poop emoji) but also take them. Mom and Dad are fine plopping down $200 for a nosebleed seat, but subjecting themselves to “Welcome to New York”? That’s where they draw the line.
Luckily, there’s someone on Craigslist who’s willing to help.
Parents: I am willing to buy your ticket from you and take your kids to Taylor Swift! This is great for you, because you don’t have to go to something that you don’t understand, and I get the opportunity of a lifetime to see Taylor Swift!
Reasons you should let me take your kids to Taylor Swift:
1. I know all the words to all her songs and can sing along with your kids, unlike you.
2. You get $100+ back to do whatever you want with. Woah, think of all the extra pies you can buy for Thanksgiving!
3. Your kids won’t have to be embarrassed of you! This is really what’s most important to your kids. They don’t have to be with someone standing there bored with ear plugs in because I will be loud and singing along with them and forcing them to have the best time ever. (JK there will be no force, we will be fast friends and they will have a GREAT time all because Taylor will be there!)
4. I am willing to take photos of them so they don’t have to wear out their arms with #SELFIES!
5. I have a famous dog that would love to be their newest Instagram follower.
6. I have a great knowledge of what’s cool in the city and I would provide them with the finest Francoluigi’s pie of pizza to tailgate/eat in the parking lot while we practice a synchronized dance to Shake it Off.
7. Willing to be a part of a synchronized dance to Shake it Off.
8. Also completely okay with them standing there and ignoring me and pretending we aren’t together at all, and then escorting them to your car so that you can take them home.
(25 year old female + will provide a criminal background check + whatever other proof you need to know I’m not an evil person) (Via)
This is no woman at all. It’s actually Steve Buscemi from 30 Rock.
Music *lightning bolt* Band *lightning bolt* #SELFIES