Music

KISS Kaskets, U2 Condoms, And More Of The Weirdest Band Merch On The Internet

Truly devoted fans jump at every opportunity to show their support, but some bands have learned that it takes more than selling t-shirts and guitar picks with their name on them to get the casual fan to cough up some dough.

When it comes to off-the-cuff merch going on sale, a lot of the products have been just as unpredictable as the bands themselves. While others show that groups like KISS and the Rolling Stones can put their names on pretty much anything and it’ll sell, others are just downright creepy.

Take a look at some of the weirdest band merch we could find on the Internet and still write about without having to clear our search history.

KISS Kasket

A major tell that a band has been around for a long time is when they start thinking about the afterlife. Not in the hard rock, “Lucifer’s my best friend” sense, but in the actual “Our time is ticking” sense. Given that their reunion tour ended 14 whole years ago, KISS falls deeply into that category.

So, the band had the bright idea to sell a “KISS Kasket” that can be purchased for a couple thousand dollars so their fans can show their pride even after they meet their bitter end, just like Dimebag Darrell of Pantera and Damageplan.

Justin Bieber Shower Curtain

Teenage girls may be the most passionate fanbase in the world. While most teen singing sensations can only hold onto their audience for a few years – someone in that equation eventually gets too old and it raises eyebrows – they go all in while they can by putting their face on anything imaginable and selling it to the masses.

Justin Bieber is far from an exception. He may actually be the king of it with things like the Justin Bieber shower curtain. There are actually people out there that want Bieber to be the first thing they see in the morning when they walk into the bathroom. Those are people I won’t even try to understand.

Rolling Stones Mouth Phone

Before everyone used wallpapers and colorful phone cases to make their completely identical cell phones look unique, they had to put in some real work. Getting a house phone that you wouldn’t mind looking at everyday was an important decision. You had your basic landlines and rotary phones, but then there were novelty phones you had to grab once you saw them. One of those was shaped like the Rolling Stones trademark logo – Mick Jagger’s lips and tongue.

While there isn’t much use for a landline anymore, this phone could still be a pretty cool decoration.

U2 Condoms

Back in 1992, U2 really did come out with their own condoms to promote Achtung Baby (and safe sex). If you’re able to get your hands on one of these, it can’t be stressed enough that condoms that are old enough to buy condoms of their own shouldn’t ever be used.

DeadMau5 Cat Headphones

Do you love your cat enough to basically throw away $1,000? Well, that’s what you’d be doing if you got your cat a pair of headphones made by Sol Republic for DeadMau5’s cat, Professor Meowingtons.

The infomercial is actually pretty accurate when it shows the cats’ absolute disinterest in listening to what I can only presume is DeadMau5. But, you’re in luck. New research shows that while cats couldn’t care less about human music, there may be hope that we can make music in a frequency range they’ll enjoy. So maybe this isn’t such a bad idea after all…

The Weezer Snuggie

Snuggies may be one of the laziest, most unnecessary things ever sold on the market. It’s just a backward bathrobe. That’s it.

Every time a Snuggie commercial comes on I expect to hear “Wow, that was bad” half-way through like in the “neck basket” commercial. But that didn’t stop Weezer from having a laugh at their own expense — I hope — and attaching their name to one.

“The Weezer Snuggie, keeping you as toasty as an Island in the Sun,” – Weezer, probably

Iceage Pocket Knives (Accompanied With Locks of Hair)

Iceage may be the most courteous band in the history of bands and their stalkers. Back in 2012, they took it upon themselves to pretty much sell a basic Iceage stalker kit that included a pocket knife and – get this – locks of the band members’ hair for about $20 a piece. That would help any prospective stalker dive right in and skip weeks of waiting in bushes.

Honorable Mention: Rammstein Box Set With Bonus Dildos

Naturally, Rammstein, the hardcore German metal band, brings the most hardcore merchandise to this list with a set of six pink dildos that are each modeled after the band member’s members. The set also comes with their Liebe ist für alle dal album, five B-sides, lube, and handcuffs. Because Rammstein is for lovers.

×