BAD NEWS, BROS: Dustin Johnson Popped The Question And Paulina Gretzky Said Yes

Dustin Johnson has been having a decent enough year in the PGA, as the 29-year old is currently ranked No. 16 on the money list with $2.57 million, trailing Tiger Woods by just a smidge under $5.1 million. But aside from his win at the Hyundai Tournament of Champions earlier this year, DJ’s biggest headlines have come courtesy of his “celebrity” girlfriend, Paulina Gretzky, daughter of NHL legend Wayne Gretzky and owner of one of the most blessed Instagram accounts ever registered.

And it was through that same Instagram account yesterday that Paulina announced her engagement to Johnson, while millions of bros shouted to the heavens in deafening rage. Meanwhile, DJ wanted to show all of his ex-girlfriends what they missed out on by posting a picture of the big, fat rock.


Of course, some people who think they’re cool ripped the guy’s choice in engagement jewelry, but those people suck and will die alone. Seriously, even their pets will leave them to live in misery.

In the meantime, congrats to Paulina and Dustin, who I’m sure have never read this website, but I felt like adding a classy little message anyway, because it might show my therapist that I’ve grown as a person.