Yesterday, the Wall Street Journal examined the NBA lockout from the “well, what the hell are they gonna do without jobs and money?” perspective, and I was pretty excited because I don’t think enough media outlets are asking that important question. A lot of the players don’t have the money to keep living in the manner which they’ve grown accustomed to, and too many of them don’t have the educational background to shift gears and find another job. And it’s not like any of them can make the jump to commentating.
So what are the league’s popular personalities up to? Well, Michael Beasley has been practicing ballet as his teammate Kevin Love has been playing beach volleyball. We already know that Delonte West is working at a furniture store – and how that hasn’t translated to a reality show is baffling me – while journeyman letdown Drew Gooden is purchasing multiple Wingstop franchises. Wingstop boasts that is has “taken chicken wings to a whole new level,” which I assume means that you eat them out of a woman’s cleavage, because otherwise a chicken wing is a chicken wing. But I digress.
The story focused on Cleveland Cavaliers eventual tradee Baron Davis, who says that us average American males are embarrassing him, because we just don’t know how to dress, and he’s telling us that in his new documentary film, American Schlub. Finally, someone other than my mom wants to lay my outfit out.
The documentary, “American Schlub,” is in pre-production. It takes aim at the poor sartorial standards of the American male, says Mr. Davis, who plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers. “We used to be fashion forward,” he laments. Now, “We’re more of a sweats and Ugg boots type of society,” he says. “We wanted to challenge men, from that perspective.”
So he’s going after Tom Brady and Bill Belichick?
Look, I know that NBA players think that they are the ultimate fashion experts, what with so many of them attending New York Fashion Week instead of fighting for their league’s survival, but based on the little gallery I’ve put together of Davis’s fashion choices, I’m not quite sure he’s the most qualified to tell me that my t-shirt and jeans aren’t cutting it. Davis most likely got the idea for this documentary after he was hanging out with Cash Warren, who is famous for getting Jessica Alba pregnant and then making a few documentaries, at Sundance earlier this year, so unless this lockout ends soon and the league can salvage 50 games like it did in 1999, we can probably expect a lot more of this.
That’s Baron Davis to your right of Derek Fisher at a players union press conference to discuss the consistently broken down labor negotiations.
In case you needed a closer view of what to wear if you’re ever fighting for your job. Plaid shirt and a ski cap, got it.
Out with the lady at a charity function? Long sleeve t-shirt and ridiculous glasses. If you’re feeling ambitious, throw on a sideways hat.
Now here’s a good look at the ESPY’s, where he should be able to combine style with creativity to express his unique nature. It’s perfectly juxtaposed against the modern style tuxedos of Kevin Love and Madeleine Albright’s son.
Streetball event – t-shirt and jeans. Seems about right.
Charity basketball tournament – t-shirt, jeans and a hoodie. Ralph Lauren has nothing on Davis.
Snoop Dogg’s birthday party – t-shirt and a cardigan held together by twisty-ties. I suppose he could have worn almost anything to this, though.
Unless he’s walking the red carpet backwards and he’s leaving an event, there’s no reason that top button should be undone. I wear a suit once – maybe twice – a year and I know that.
And speaking of Cash Warren, here are the two documentary filmmakers stylin’ and profilin’.
I’m not even sure what’s happening with his tie, but I don’t care because his girlfriend certainly knows how to dress.
Cool Reebok Pumps, hipster dude.
Pretty standard look. Not sure how a leather jacket turns a guy into an expert.
Now I know where all the clothes in my dorm room closet went.
I really can’t wait to see this documentary.