Professional Athlete Afraid That People May Find Out He Likes Attractive Women

David Haye is a 32-year old British boxer famous for a number of professional achievements, among them the WBA Heavyweight Championship and a 3rd place finish on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!. Haye is still teasing boxing fans with the possibility of upcoming fights ever since he came out of retirement. The one fight that people apparently want to see is Haye vs. Vitali Klitschko, and Haye says he has been waiting for it ever since he defeated Dereck Chisora.

I hope Vitali Klitschko sticks to his word and he tries to knock me out, because he said he can knock me out. He said fight Dereck Chisora and he fights the winner, and I not only beat Dereck Chisora, I knocked him out in good style. Maybe I knocked him out too good. Maybe if I’d struggled on points I’d have gotten the fight. But the way I dispatched of him, maybe he thinks I’m a little bit too good for him now. (Via Bad Left Hook)

But while these guys figure out if they’re going to fight or not, Haye has a little something else on his mind. Specifically, he is now worried that videos of his ring girl “selection process” are going to surface, as he used to hand pick the females for his fights in order to avoid “mingers” or a “female who fell out of the ugly tree at birth and hit every branch on the way down” according to Urban Dictionary.

Haye recently said that his interview process was simply to make sure that the best-looking girls were chosen, but he wouldn’t reveal any specifics. Fortunately, you can’t hide sh*t on the Internet.

Using his Myspace account, ‘The Hayemaker’ encouraged potential applicants to message him about their interest, and said: ‘Please only apply if you are very hot & sexy, juicy & tight, and up for my fight!’

Speaking of the motivation behind his hands-on approach to finding the other type of knockouts for his fights, Haye added: ‘Earlier in my career, the promoters would organise these girls and you’d be sitting on your stool between rounds and you’d look up and see a complete and utter minger walking around the ring.

It was actually a distraction. You’d be thinking, “Why is she in the ring and what possible good can come from her being there?” So now, I make sure that all my ring-card girls are up to scratch.

‘It might sound like that’s being a control freak but people are paying hard-earned money to watch it so you want to make it as entertaining and exciting as possible.

‘They’ve got to be in good shape, they’ve got to have a great personality, a big smile, and a great ass.’ (Via the Daily Mail)

I mean, unless he tried to nail every girl who walked into the room, what does Haye have to be worried about? So what, he wanted really attractive women to be the ring girls for his fight. We all would. In fact, here’s my interview process:

Ashley “Third Degree” Burns: “Hello, I’m hand-selecting one girl to carry the round cards for my upcoming fight against a toddler. Why should I pick you?”

Girl: “Because I’m Brittney Palmer.”

Me: “Okay, you’re hired. Here’s a huge bag of money and my kidney in case you need it. Thank you for existing.”

The End.