01.30.08 10 years ago 18 Comments

In an interview to promote an unwatchable movie in which she plays the ghost of a vindictive controlling harridan trying to cuntblock some woman from sleeping with her man after she dies, vindictive controlling harridan Eva Longoria said she'd do the same thing to Tony Parker even if she did the world a solid and stepped in front of a firing squad tomorrow.

"I would sabotage every relationship he is in. I would not let him move on, I’d just lay in bed and watch him. He’s not doing anything without me. I’d be like if I’m going to the afterlife you’re coming with me.”

Can't image why Tom Brady turned down the marriage proposal of some nutty Mexican broad, can you? You think it's all 'til-death-do-you-part, but you're in for an eternity of emasculating psychobitchiness and an afterlife of hanging out with the great Bitches of History. I bet Longoria has Marie Antoinette and Eva Braun over every other night and they spend hours shrieking and clawing at Parker's scrotum. -Christmas Ape

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