Dirk Nowitzki Hailed as New Pope

Pro Wrestling Editor
06.30.11 3 Comments

Okay, maybe not, but how awesome would Catholicism be if you had to dodge one of Dirk’s sh:tty picks to get to the altar?

The Summer of Love continues for Dallas Mavericks one-footed basketball monster Dirk Nowitzki. In the last month we’ve seen him trounce the Miami Heat in Miami to win an NBA Championship, single-handedly down an $80,000 bottle of champagne, put his Dirk in LeBron James’ mouth, become an honorary Ohioan, deliver a Top Ten List on the “Late Show with David Letterman” and throw out an eephus pitch at a Texas Rangers game. Now he gets to return home to Germany, where the Black Eyed Peas are always playing in the background and everybody f**king adores him.

A reported 11,000 people gathered for the Dirk Nowitzki Hero’s Welcome, which featured a personal parade, Dirk waving at everybody from a balcony like he’s Eva Peron, and a karaoke rendition of “We Are the Champions”. Good job, LeBron, you played like Shemp in the fourth quarter and now ALL OF GERMANY is the champion. Check out the video below, with a pointy helmet tip to Pegasus News.

I, for one, welcome our new basketball overlords.

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