Gentlemen, Start Your Ostriches

In America’s latest attempt to turn sports into Diddy Kong Racing, here’s the sixth annual “Extreme Race Day”, a Minnesota area event featuring ostrich heats, racing camels, helium-enhanced horse races and more. Please note that we’ve had six of them. We may have finally topped Backflips And Beatdowns, everybody. Congratulations.

The following clips come to us from Awful Announcing, and if you’re wondering why they’d be the ones covering Extreme Race Day, here’s a sample of the hyper-literate banter accompanying a bunch of dudes falling off ostriches:

“These birds are crazy, look out, one might fly in the crowd, start peckin!”

At different points in the video the ostriches are said to have “devilish eyes” and are called “two legged terrorists”, leading me to believe that nobody in Minnesota has ever seen a f**king ostrich and thinks they’re some kind of ancient dragon. They’re ostriches, guys. If you don’t cram them into a starting gate and make someone sit on them they probably won’t try to kill anybody.

Anyway, I’ve kept you away from Extreme Race Day highlights long enough. Check them out below.

Be sure to buy your tickets to next year’s event to see Minnesota’s governor punch a gorilla in the stomach until it gets super pissed off.