Haters Gonna Hate Heisman History: The Reggie Bush Saga Continues

09.07.10 8 years ago 6 Comments

Reggie Bush will finally see some repercussions for his scum-baggery at USC, when his name is wiped off the list of Heisman trophy winners, which he joined in 2005. Heisman officals have chosen to leave that season’s award vacant, saying their decision was inspired by Matt Lineart’s skull.

Two sources close to the Heisman trust said the body’s investigation is coming to a close, and will ultimately concur with the NCAA’s determination that Bush was ineligible during his Heisman-winning season in 2005. Because of that independent conclusion, sources said the trust will relieve Bush of the award and leave the honor for that season vacant. The sources said Bush met with Heisman representatives last month at the New York law offices of Emmet, Marvin & Martin. The sources would not reveal details of that meeting. –Rivals

After discovering that no one would be named the 2005 Heisman winner, I put on my cargo pants and multi-pocketed vest to do some serious investigative journalism. I was able to get the reaction of the other 2005 heisman hopefuls to the news. When reached for comment, Vince Young punched me in the face for implying that Bush was better than any Texas player. After which, he went to the club, stripped down to his undershirt, got himself some purple drank, chugged a bottle of Patron, and had T Pain do another song for the ladies. Matt Lineart mistook me for a freshman USC coed, and asked if I had ever been to a fraternity house before. Which, even though my voice sounds like a Kodiak Bear personified, still makes sense if you think about how stupid Matt Lineart is. Oddly enough, all Brady Quinn could manage to mutter was something about Charlie Weis’ fat sausage fingers touching him everywhere. The most I could understand was him complaining that they were like “large grubs squirming around all parts of my body.”

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