Bad take machine and widow’s-peak shaver Jay Mariotti shuffled his 57-year-old, self-employed ass to a used 2002 Compaq on Thursday night, typed his username and password into a Google search bar before realizing his mistake, then logged into Twitter to fire off a take so bad and boring that there’s no way he could ever claim someone else hacked his account.
https://twitter.com/MariottiSports/status/771540137780011008
It’s like a poem for the irrelevant. Mariotti and Rick Reilly should sing it during karaoke night at Jason Whitlock’s house. There’s nothing special or new in a “writers rule, bloggers drool” tweet from an old-timey sports writer man like Mariotti, but when it comes from someone as disgraced and washed-up as this, it’s worth the time to roast him. If he were just a bad columnist like Reilly, it’d be less of a deal; but when you’re bad and once pleaded no contest to misdemeanor battery against a woman, ignoring it would be wrong.
Many true heroes did not ignore it, starting first with this debonair swashbuckler riding a white horse and saving the day.
https://twitter.com/davelozo/status/771547519406845954
https://twitter.com/davelozo/status/771548879963561985
Jokes and statistics? Is there anything that guy can’t do?!
That’s just the start of it. Dodgers pitcher Brandon McCarthy and Fox Sports’ Katie Nolan were like a wrestling tag team.
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) September 2, 2016
wow Brandon how you just gonna post a mariotti article like that without a h/t?
— Katie Nolan (probably) (@katienolan) September 2, 2016
Off the top rope, it’s hippo poop!
Then there was a link to an old Deadspin story in which Mariotti talks about the Internet the way a Pilgrim would if they were transported from the Mayflower to modern times.
https://twitter.com/AGoot18/status/771541791564705797
And oh yeah:
https://twitter.com/sportshuman/status/771540563074031617
Remember when you beat up that woman @MariottiSports
— Travis Yost (@travisyost) September 2, 2016
https://twitter.com/BrianPHickey/status/771541831876091904
But those were just the replies to that one tweet. Here are a few more pieces of art to get your day going in the right direction.
https://twitter.com/freedarko/status/771680619747282944
https://twitter.com/leyawn/status/771712104617373697
Jay Mariotti's site has a "radio show" header which links to a soundcloud with hour-long shows 6 people listened to pic.twitter.com/n2ziVNXgeB
— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) September 2, 2016
https://twitter.com/ohholybutt/status/771571074370641920
Yo, bloggers:
When I saw Jay Mariotti in a salad place in Venice, CA earlier this year he looked like a boiled testicle in track pants— David Roth (@david_j_roth) September 2, 2016
https://twitter.com/BartHubbuch/status/771550053714407424
https://twitter.com/BobbyBigWheel/status/771546729673953280
Thanks for reading this blog I typed.
