Jeff Ireland Gets Extension For Sucking

01.24.11 7 years ago 7 Comments

What do you give an NFL GM who was talked about this past offseason not for making good moves, but for asking if a draft choice’s mom was the kind of woman who charges $5 handies? Why, you give him a nice contract extension, of course! This front office decision to give Jeff Ireland more time to fulfill his terrible strategy, if you can even call what he’s done as part of a strategy, by the Miami Dolphins should definitely go in the Good Decision folder and will definitely keep them in contention to win the very difficult AFC East.

Miami Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland has signed a multiyear contract extension, the team announced Saturday.

“The young talent that Jeff has assembled during his three years with the Dolphins has made a profound impact on our franchise’s recovery from the 1-15 season of 2007,” Ross said [while lying through his teeth] in a statement released by the team. “Jeff has my full support moving forward as we pursue our goals to build the best and brightest front office in the National Football League and ultimately to win a Super Bowl championship for all of South Florida and Dolphin fans around the world.”

Ireland’s three drafts have netted 10 new starters, including defensive end Phillip Merling, quarterback Chad Henne, defensive end Kendall Langford and three-time Pro Bowl tackle Jake Long in 2008; cornerbacks Vontae Davis and Sean Smith, wide receiver Brian Hartline and safety Chris Clemons in 2009; and linebacker Koa Misi and guard John Jerry in 2010.

You know you’ve got something special when you’ve got a guy who can draft great players like Chad Henne, who threw 15 touchdowns and 19 interceptions this season and had an awe-inspiring QB rating of 75.4.

Since Jeff Ireland got his job with the Dolphins, Miami has an astoundingly mediocre record of 25-24. Besides the whole Dez Bryant embarrassment, Ireland also took part in the failed chase for Jim Harbaugh (although Stephen Ross should take blame too for being a f-cking moron trying to get a new coach and doing the equivalent of trying to have his cake then eat it too, but instead shitting all over the table) that ended up with their current coach Tony Sparano, who probably should have been fired, getting a two-year extension so they can show their commitment to underachieving and terrible, half-assed decisions. I still wouldn’t be depressed though, Miami fans. You’ve still got the Miami Heat and tons of attractive girls with fake boobs (or attractive guys with… I don’t know) on beaches all over. Also, cocaine. I’m sure you’ll find a way to cope with a couple more years of Ireland’s ineptitude.

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