08.18.07 11 years ago 14 Comments

Notre Dame freshman quarterback/banana hammock model Jimmy Clausen was cited for underage transport of alcohol in the lively metropolis of South Bend, Indiana.

[Clausen] was cited for transporting alcohol as a minor in connection with a June 23 incident at a local liquor store.  Indiana State Excise Police cited the 19-year-old Clausen and a 23-year-old outside the Belmont Beverage store at 1621 South Bend Ave., near the Notre Dame campus, police said. Excise police were in an unmarked car outside the store to catch minors attempting to get alcohol…

The 23-year-old entered the store and bought two 1.75-liter bottles of Smirnoff vodka and a 200-milliliter bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, police said, as well as a case containing 30 cans of Natural Light beer.  Clausen remained outside the store in a Chevrolet Tahoe along with another Notre Dame freshman, who was not cited. Because the older man bought the alcohol, police said, the store was not cited.

Ah, college.  Smirnoff handles and cases of Natty Light.  And, apparently, misdemeanor citations just for riding in the same vehicle as booze.  If Clausen weren't such an epically douchetarded cockknocker, I'd be pretty pissed about this citation.  Instead, I'm worried about how this will affect my love life.  The law is such an asshole.  "No booze and teenagers in the same vehicle."  "Don't drink and drive."  "Prostitution is illegal."  How's a guy supposed to have any fun?


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