Sports

Jose Canseco Wants To Coach The Texas Longhorns And Here Is His Four-Point Plan

Jose Canseco is a famous baseball player. He’s from Miami, by way of Cuba. The closest he got to “going to college” was attending Miami Coral Park High School. He is also a legendary steroid abuser who is legitimately insane and puts diapers on goats before he drives them around in his car.

So of COURSE he’s the most logical candidate to coach a college football team.

University of Texas head coach Mack Brown is stepping down after the Alamo Bowl and Jose Canseco, the same guy who recently compared himself to Captain America, wants to take his place. He made the announcement on Twitter yesterday alongside a four (or five) point plan for success.

Here is that.








Step 1: Steroids


Step 2: Figure Out What Texas Football Is


Step 3: Get Elite Quarterbacks


Step 4: Get Everyone Better Than Us At Football To Come Make Football For Us, And Not Others


Step 5 (?): Animal Friendship

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