Miami Marlins Fans Near Riot As Single Game Tickets Go On Sale

The Miami Marlins invited their fans to their special Winter Warm-Up event on Saturday, presumably with cards that read, “Giancarlo Stanton may hate us, but he’s still here”, and it went about as well as you’d expect. That picture above, tweeted by the Palm Beach Post’s Marlins beat writer Joe Capozzi, shows the entire line of people waiting to purchase single game tickets when they went on sale at 10 a.m. on Saturday. Four whole people. To put that into perspective, here’s a picture of the line for New York Yankees tickets*.

The good news is that season ticket sales were reportedly only down 4% from last season, which is a surprise considering the Marlins traded away the team’s biggest stars only a month ago. But perhaps fans remain optimistic because they think that maligned owner Jeffrey Loria is finally going to cave to his villainous public perception and sell the team so that someone more concerned with building a winning franchise can take over and reverse the ongoing humiliation.

Tough titties, folks, because Loria doesn’t give a fish fart.

“This team is definitely not for sale,” [Marlins President David] Samson said. “Jeffrey loves being the owner. We love Miami. We love this ballpark.”

The Miami Herald recently reported that Bush made a “large offer” to buy the Marlins but Loria was not interested. Bush, who was governor from 1999-2007 and now runs an education advocacy group, wouldn’t confirm the report. His brother, former President George W. Bush, owned the Texas Rangers from 1989-98.

“It’s not something to talk about,” Samson said when asked about the Bush report. “Jeffrey … is not selling.” (Via the Palm Beach Post)

So do Samson and Loria even care that every single fan that walks into that stadium wishes that both of them would be eaten by the fish in the home plate aquarium? Of course not.

Samson was asked if he was concerned about the negative perception many fans in South Florida have of him and Loria.

“Are you asking me if people not liking me bothers me?”


“No,” he replied.

“I have a hard enough time getting my wife to like me.”

Hahahahaha, that’s hilarious, guy who helped Loria slap Miami-Dade County with $2.5 billion dollars of debt. Stay strong, Marlins fans. Stay strong.

*That picture may actually be of German soldiers. Our research team is still investigating.