Mike Leach knows that marriage is a beautiful ritual that binds the lives of two people with a wonderful celebration of life and love. It’s also a huge sack of pedantic nonsense that he clearly has no time for.
The Washington State coach has lived a lot of life, and he took a moment of his time to dispense some essential advice on Wednesday. A reporter asked the Wazzu head coach for some marriage advice a few days ahead of his wedding and despite Washington State facing their in-state rival Washington this weekend, Leach was more than happy to take some time to dole out some advice.
Leach did seem, however, less than thrilled about the whole wedding process, with lots of advice on how to deal with the insanity of it all and the inevitable situations you’ll find yourself in that you just can’t win.
His first bit of advice was that familial madness is inevitable.
“Your fiancé is going to lose her mind. Your mother-in-law is going to lose her mind. Your mother is going to lose her mind. Several of your sisters and female relatives are going to lose their minds and they’re going to barrage you with constant questions. ‘What should we wear? Which, of course, my answer was ‘I don’t care.’”
What follows is a short but effective list of things Leach does not care about when it comes to wedding planning: invitation colors both tan and blue, strawberry shortcake and blueberry pie. Leach also describes the problem with not caring, and trying to fake caring, and even if you maybe do care a little bit but not enough for anyone to believe him.
“But ‘I don’t care’ is not satisfactory at all. And you’re going to get caught in a catch-22 and I’m certain that you already have. And that catch-22 is ‘Well I want you to be a part of this, too.’ So what color invitations? Alright, the blue ones. ‘Well I kind of like the tan ones.'”
Just like many Wazzu games over the last few years, Leach says it’s inevitably a no-win situation until it’s over.
“It’s just going to go back and forth and they’re going to play keep away with you until you’re married,” Leach said. “There’s no answer you can give that’s going to be satisfactory or correct. And if you can successfully please a few of them, the other will still be ‘oh well I just don’t feel like he’s that interested.’”
Honestly it’s just nice to know that true happiness is attainable on this rapidly-greying Earth.
Here’s another gem:
“You need to work late, go in the back room and read a lot of books,” Leach said. It’s unclear if he’s talking specifically about the wedding day itself or if this is a larger bit of lifelong advice. But the reading part at least seems like a good idea.
“In the end you’ll wish you eloped,” Leach concluded before adding “You need to find excuses that they’ll buy so you can be as far out of harm’s way as you possibly can.”
Leach truly is a sweetheart. Best wishes to the happy couple.