Pro-tip I: Don’t rob people.
Pro-tip II: Don’t rob people who can kick your ass.
Pro-tip III: Don’t rob people who professionally kick other people’s asses for a living.
MMA strawweight Monique Bastos was on her way to the gym in the city of Acailandia, Brazil, when two men attempted to displace her of her belongings. Bastos quickly went to work, placing one of the men in the dreaded “triangle.” The entire incident was caught on video and posted to Reddit Wednesday morning.
According to user 1Ender, the man claimed he did nothing wrong (of course he did). A rough translation:
“Dad, Dad, I’m going to my dad. Call the police, father. Help! Help! Help, Jesus. Please, I did not rob. Why would I do this? Help. Help. Look at my wallet. Help. Help. Sir, help me. Please don’t show my card. This was the first time. She’s choking me. Where’s my mom? Aie, Aie, Aie. Help! Help! Please, I need my wallet. No, I did not rob anything, no.”
Everyone else was basically saying variations of “Yes, you did.”