NBA Round-Up: That Was Awful, Bulls

Senior Writer
05.19.11 3 Comments

Before we get to last night’s showcase of shooting percentage disaster, it’s worth noting that someone asked LeBron James prior to Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals how he felt about the Cleveland Cavaliers winning the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft Lottery Tuesday night. Of course someone was going to ask this. You know, I’m as guilty as the next dick-joke-making sports blogger for milking the poisoned teats of The Decision, but the teats are shooting dust now. It’s time to let sleeping dogs die. Stop asking these stupid questions already.

What did he say? He said he’s happy for Cleveland. Because what else would he say? Honestly, I’d be more impressed if he whipped out his cell phone and called Kyrie Irving to convince him to withdraw from the draft and go play in Europe. Actually, that would be kind of funny.

Miami Heat 85, Chicago Bulls 75 (Series: 1-1)

LeBron James said that this series has just started. Erik Spoelstra called it a street fight. Dwyane Wade said that these two teams are the same, and Chris Bosh walked around and looked like an ostrich. But if it’s really a street fight, last night’s round was a “Put your mouth on the curb” moment, as the Bulls rolled over and croaked with 34% shooting from the field. Derrick Rose missed 16 shots and scored a third of his 21 points at the charity stripe, while James completely smothered him on defense in the second half. Carlos Boozer returned to the witness protection program and the only thing that resembled the Chicago Bulls basketball that led to the best record in the NBA this season was Joakim Noah screaming and making weird faces while reminding us that he bangs super models. Also, scoring 29 points in the entire second half will not win championships.

The Heat used roughly 600 different rotations and lineups in last night’s win, but I think it’s pretty clear that putting LeBron on Rose completely cripples the Bulls’ gameplan. I’m certainly no NBA coach – I’d rather be a golf caddy – but if I were Spoelstra I would strongly consider running this scheme a little more. Like every minute that Rose is in the game. Then I’d get a haircut.

Tonight’s Prediction: Oklahoma City over Dallas, but not in cultural significance.

(Banner via @Jose3030)

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