Ryan Leaf Still Ain't Doing So Hot

Senior Writer
04.02.12 9 Comments

Last week we paid a little tribute to some of the biggest morons and disappointments in sports history – via our love for Kenny Powers and Eastbound and Down – and it would have been a huge oversight to exclude former No. 2 NFL draft pick Ryan Leaf, whose career can best be compared to a colossal dust fart. Throw in the fact that he was arrested in 2009 for illegally obtaining prescription painkillers and that pretty much brought his bust of a post-NCAA life full circle.

And despite proclaiming that the aforementioned arrest actually “saved his life” and helped him turn it all around, Leaf is back in the news for drugs again. This time, he’s being accused of breaking into his neighbor’s houses and stealing pain medication for the past year and a half. If that’s true, his criminal career is already leaps and bounds better than his NFL career.

Task force members on Friday told Leaf’s probation officer to call in the ex-quarterback. They searched Leaf and his truck, finding two prescription bottles in a pocket of a golf bag, which was embroidered with Leaf’s name.

One unlabeled bottle had 28 pills that turned out to be oxycodone, a schedule 2 narcotic for which Leaf does not have a prescription. The other was empty but its label said it was oxycodone prescribed for another person, Hickman said.

That person, whom Hickman did not name, is an acquaintance of Leaf’s. Police interviewed him, his live-in girlfriend and his housekeeper, and concluded that Leaf entered the house without permission on Thursday afternoon and took the man’s prescription medication. (Via the Billings Gazette)

Before we go jumping to any conclusions, let’s take a look at Leaf’s written statement through a clear, unbiased monocle:

“I’ve made some mistakes, and have no excuses,” the statement read. “I am using the tools I’ve learned to move forward rather than backwards, and will be open to talking about the details in the days to come. I am confident that there will be further understanding when the facts are revealed, and feel very blessed for all of the support, especially from my friends and family.”

See? I’m sure it’s all going to work out, like “I was just checking in on some friends and their cat kept knocking their oxycodone into my pocket” or “I had to steal it so nobody else could steal it” or “Dude, I’m Ryan Leaf.”

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