We Found Every Iron Chef’s SEC Head Football Coach Equivalent

and 08.05.18 7 months ago 4 Comments

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It is Aug. 5, which means there is very little in the way of sports news going on right now. The WNBA regular season is entering it’s playoff push, but elsewhere there isn’t much happening. It’s still too early for baseball’s playoff race to really be captivating, the one month of actual offseason in the NBA is happening, and preseason NFL games just aren’t doing much for us.

There’s some excitement building for the college football season, but that’s still three weeks away and you can pretty much spit out every coach’s positive statements about preseason camp from a random quote generator with things like “compete” and “getting better every day” and “the kids are working their tails off.” This slow period in the sports calendar leaves time for the mind to wander and for Food Network to take over a larger portion of the television viewing schedule.

To combine our love of Food Network programming and college football we decided to take a look at two powerhouses from each and compare them. Iron Chef America is one of the flagship shows of the Food Network, and in college football the SEC is the most prestigious conference — even if some may argue both are beyond their glory days.

For this exercise Martin and I decided to find the equivalent current and former SEC head football coaches for each current and former Iron Chefs — with the exclusion of Mario Batali because, well, we all found out he’s a bad person. In the words of the chairman’s uncles … allez cuisine!

The Chairman — Verne Lundquist: Before we get to the actual Iron Chefs, we have to start here. Some may think Verne, the voice of the SEC for over a decade before retiring last year, would get the Alton Brown comp, but Verne is more The Chairman. Alton brings the technical expertise and in-depth commentary, while the Chairman presides over the proceedings as an ever-present, benevolent, and loving figurehead.

Alton Brown — Gary Danielson: Alton loves the X’s and O’s of cooking. Gary loves the X’s and O’s of football. Every once and awhile they even let Alton break out a telestrator on the broadcast and nerd out over some great execution of technique.

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