Skynet Is Real, Bow Down Now

Senior Writer
04.20.11 7 Comments

At 1:05 pm ET today, the Philadelphia Phillies will take the first step toward a future of human enslavement at the metal hands of our robot overlords. Engineers from the University of Pennsylvania constructed a one-armed robot that can pitch a baseball, and it will throw out the first pitch at today’s matchup between the Phillies and the Milwaukee Brewers. And after that ceremonial pitch? You guessed it – humans being used as batteries.

PhillieBot is made out of a recycled Segue, with a pneumatic cylinder added. The robot’s computer brain can adjust the pitch velocity and trajectory. Its fastball can hardly be described as killer: The Philadelphia Inquirer reports a practice pitch appeared to be going no more than 40 miles per hour. The Phillies say that’s on purpose, as a safety precaution. (Via Today’s THV)

Only 40 mph? That’s not so bad. It’s like fighting off an army of Tim Wakefields. Someone get Aaron Boone on the phone. Tell him his country needs him.

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