I’ve prepared separate intro blurbs, depending on who you are. Find the one that is most appropriate for you!
I Don’t Watch Glee: I know, I know. Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV, featuring the first show I’ve ever watched specifically for the benefit of the column, FOX’s ‘Glee’. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a show your niece probably watched two or three years ago about a glee club at a Lima, Ohio, high school who interpret their feelings via reality-warping musical numbers. If you’ve never seen it and know what it is, yeah, it’s not great. However, if you’re a regular reader of the column, you’ll hopefully have a little faith in my writing/ability to write aggressively about stuff that sucks, so take a look through this one anyway. You’ll find a lot of funny jokes, a few pictures of hot girls and at least one video of zombie football players. That’s something, right?
I Watch Glee, And I Love It: Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV column, wherein I rag on that show you like because it’s not aimed at my intelligence level or demographic. Please read through the moments I’ve selected, tear apart any inaccuracies in my analysis, and show it to all of your friends so they can do the same. Make it really virally popular so nobody who likes ‘Glee’ will ever come here again!
I Watch Glee (Or Have Watched Glee) And Do Not Like It: You’re probably going to love this.
So please click through and enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Glee’. *unnecessary bell ringing sound*
More Sports On TV: Saved By The Bell | Full House | King Of The Hill | The Wire | The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air | Parks And Recreation | Married… With Children | 30 Rock | The Brady Bunch | The Three Stooges | The Simpsons
Episode: “Preggers” (season 1, episode 4)
What Happens: Kurt Hummel is a homosexual kid trying to be himself and grow up in rural Ohio, and, because he is a well-constructed, realistic role model for a nation of teens struggling with acceptance in their communities, he can only kick an accurate field goal in a football game if he’s dancing to Beyoncé’s ‘Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)’. He joins McKinley High’s failing football team to impress his dad (Mike O’Malley of Nickelodeon GUTS fame) and teaches the gruff, 30-something bullies on the football team how to use their own ‘Single Ladies’ play to confuse their opponents and win their first football game in years.
Key line: “Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel and I’ll be auditioning for the role of kicker.”
Four episodes in, ‘Glee’ stops being a musical about Ohio high school students and becomes a pretty blatant exercise in how a 45-year old screenwriter who’d spent the previous six years writing gruesome plastic surgery sex drama thinks high school students act. The one black girl at the school says things like “hell to the niz-aw,” the two Asian kids at the school can’t stop talking about how they’re Asian and the gay kid is at all times both savior and pariah without earning either.