Terrible News, Bros: The Miss World Pageant Has Enacted A Bikini Ban

There are several reasons that I don’t talk about organized religion at all, with the most notable being that the Vatican threatened to have me killed after my 600th request to replace the Virgin Mary in art with pictures of Kate Upton. But I also don’t talk about it because people take it very seriously, and I respect other people’s faith no matter what my personal beliefs are*.

Still, it is with great disappointment that I bring this news that the Miss World pageant – sadly, not organized or hosted by Courtney Love – has declared that this year’s competition will be free of bikinis and two-piece bathing suits in order to show respect to the host province of Bali and the immense Muslim population of Indonesia.

Miss World Organization chairwoman Julia Morley told Australia’s Herald Sun that producers didn’t want to offend the many Muslims that reside in Indonesia.

“I don’t want to upset or get anyone in a situation where we are being disrespectful,” Morley said. “We treasure respect for all the countries that take part in the pageant.”

There’s a safety issue at work here as well.

Lady Gaga canceled a concert in Jakarta last year after religious protestors referred to her as a “messenger of the devil.” (Via the Hollywood Gossip)

The pageant’s organizers and participants haven’t completely done away with what they refer to as “beach fashion”, though. According to the New York Times, the women will still wear one-pieces and other related accessories in this year’s competition in lieu of bikinis because the emphasis is on “inner beauty”. I’ve dispatched my loyal team of researchers and fact-checkers to find out what that is, and I will report back accordingly.

*All hail Cthulhu!

(Banner via William Perugini /

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