Tony Sparano Has Faith In The Housing Market

Senior Writer
10.27.11 6 Comments

"It's a tree cah garage for all yer Trans Ams."


It would be beyond obvious to say that things aren’t going well for the Miami Dolphins. With quarterback Chad Henne out for the season, backup Matt Moore playing with injured ribs, and recent third string retread Sage Rosenfels done for the season, the team had to bring in Buffalo Bills loss manufacturer J.P. Losman for depth. Factor in Anthony Fasano’s latest addition to the players chastising fans for pushing the “Suck for Luck” initiative and we’ve got a full blown mess.
Perhaps nothing is messier than Tony Sparano’s status as head coach. Earlier this week, Yahoo!’s Jason Cole reported that NFL analysts Bill Cowher and Jon Gruden were itching to return to coaching and had mentioned to unnamed people that Miami would fit their desires. CBS stirred the pot further, claiming that the Dolphins had actually been in contact with Cowher. Whether one thing has to do with the other or not, Sparano has put his house up for sale. Again.

Miami Dolphins coach Tony Sparano, widely expected to be fired, put his Davie home on the market this week for $1.499 million, according to the multiple listing service.
The home “is in pristine condition,” with a gourmet kitchen, theater room, fireplace, marble floors, a pool and outdoor kitchen, according to the listing.
Sparano and his wife Jeanette bought the home in 2008 for $1.7 million, property records show.
(Via the Sun-Sentinel)

In what I assume is a matter of pride, Sparano claims that he and his wife are selling the house because their kids all moved out and it’s just too much home for them now. It’s the same song and dance he gave when he tried to sell the house back in January. But I’m sorry, I just can’t get past the part that Sparano has a $1.7 million home. He seems more like a suburban duplex or houseboat kind of guy to me.
After the jump, please allow me to exercise my real estate license from DeVry and show you this residential Camelot.
This is the dining room in which Sparano and his wife eat actual dolphin.
This is the living room in which Sparano never watches the teams that Miami will play next week.
Here’s the kitchen in which Sparano’s wife packs his lunch into his favorite Calvin and Hobbes lunchbox.
This is the banister that Chad Henne slid down when he actually separated his shoulder.
This is the pool that Anthony Fasano pees in. He has the bladder of a 9-year old.
This is the bedroom in which Sparano’s wife accidentally yelled Jim Harbaugh’s name.
Here’s the front of the house, surprisingly egg-free for once.
A better look at the front of the house that 25-27 buys.
This is the fireplace that Sparano sits in front of with his friends and family when he tells them all about the advice he’s received from Bill Parcells and Wade Phillips on winning.
And here’s the bath tub in which Sparano spends Mondays curled up in the fetal position, weeping.

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