UConn Booster Would Like A Refund

Robert G. Burton has demanded that the University of Connecticut return a $3 million donation that he made to the Huskies athletics department in 2004 because he feels that the athletic director was not inclusive enough in the process of hiring a new football coach. Burton, who has donated more than $7 million to the school and had the football stadium named for his family, wrote a letter to athletic director Jeff Hathaway expressing his displeasure in not being a part of the coaching search. It is unknown if the letter was written in comic sans.

“For someone who has given over $7,000,000 to the football program/university, I do not feel as though these requests were asking for too much,” Burton wrote. “Your lack of response on either of these requests tells me you do not respect my point of view or value my opinion.”

“I am fed up with you as a manager because you did not let the hiring process take place in an open manner,” Burton wrote. “You and your committee of three talked to some coaches and made a critical decision about who you were going to hire without input from knowledgeable people who care about the program.” (Via Hartford Courant)

The letter also cites Burton’s experience as a football player and he proclaims to be the perfect deciding force in selecting a coach because he knows “more football coaches than the majority of Athletic Directors in America.” According to additional sources, he is threatening to move scholarships from UConn to Syracuse and “totally TP the girls’ dorms, bro.”

The athletic department and university issued a brief statement explaining that Burton was consulted throughout the entire hiring process, as were other donors, adding: “Tough titties, crybaby.”