With Leather’s Watch This: Next Time Just Walk Your Beer Home, Skater Bro

08.13.13 5 years ago 3 Comments

Oh Norwegian teens, when will you learn? While trying to transport this case of beer, one saggy-pants-wearing skater bro learned the hard way that a skateboard is not the preferred method of travel. He could have, for instance, put the beer case down on the skateboard and gently pushed it along, perhaps while marveling at the landscape that he probably takes for granted. Or he could have sat on the skateboard with the beer in his lap and made car noises like, “VROOM!” while his friends pushed him down the street. Although, not the one who was peeing in the bushes, because he probably didn’t wash his hands.

MLB: Pirates at Cardinals (or Reds at Cubs) – 8 PM ET on MLB Network

I assume there are no other live sports on TV tonight because everyone on planet Earth will be watching this game. Even God and Buddha have a bet on this series. Cthulhu wisely does not gamble.

Little League Softball World Series: Semifinal – 7 PM ET on ESPN 2

I had no clue this existed. I assume it’s for girls and not the sons of those guys who play in the pro softball league championship games on ESPN 2 each year and carry themselves as if they’re world class athletes.

NCAA Football: Texas A&M at Alabama – 8:30 PM ET on ESPN U

I’d watch this game if ESPN dubbed over the original announcers with Darren Rovell making all sorts of accusations about Johnny Manziel, like he burned down an entire orphanage, and then his guest in the box to verify that claim could be a homeless man who lost everything when he became addicted to meth. In fact, that could be a whole new nightly show for Rovell. It could be called…

Has no penis

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