Here’s Bobby Hill’s Guide To Culinary Conversation

King of the Hill
 is a criminally underrated comedy, which is crazy, since it was created by one of the most brilliant comedic minds of our time, Mike Judge (Beavis and Butthead, Office Space, Silicon Valley, etc). Like most of Judge’s comedy, it is derived from everyday characters with ultra-specific roles that viewers can relate to and recognize. Which is why it’s so easy to love characters like Bobby Hill, who like most of us, struggles with the love-hate relationship of wanting to do nothing but eat food that is awful for you. For that reason, I’ve gathered some of the best things Bobby said about food throughout King of the Hill‘s 13 seasons on Fox and provided advice on when you can appropriately recite those quotes in your own life.

Now onto the fruit pies!

“Oh! Spoons! Can I assume the potatoes will be mashed tonight?”

When to use it: When mom’s making your favorite meal for dinner.

“I refuse to eat the white man’s white meat!”

When to use it: When you want to take a stance against the everyday conventions that go unnoticed.

“You know I like my bath at 9:30, with my onion loaf.”

When to use it: When you are a bit of a diva who mixes pleasure and leisure.

“Wow, a toaster that only cooks hot dogs!”

When to use it: When modern science makes your food dreams come true.

“You want to kiss? Well, I’ll try anything once. I didn’t think I’d like fruit pies, but then I tried one and if your kiss is anything like a fruit pie, I’m sure I’ll…”

When to use it: When 2+2= 4 and the food stars align.

“Fourteen isn’t taken, maybe that could be my special day. We could call it Sweet Fourteeno. We’ll have music and dancing, and I’ll have to eat fourteen hot dogs before sunset, or I shall remain a boy forever!”

When to use it: When you can find any way to celebrate the gift of delicious food.

“No, I also got a quesadilla, it’s from the value menu.”

When to use it: When you’re thrifty, yet smart about your fast food choices.

“My Sloppy Joe is all sloppy and no Joe!”

When to use it: When your meal favorite meal is lacking in one department or the other.

“We’re out of Cool Whip?”

When to use it: When you have to go to the grocery store, but you wanna eat now.

“What if somebody wants theirs well done?”

When to use it: When your way of cooking food is the only way.

“Do you take this burger to be your dinner?”

When to use it: When your love for food is realer than any love out there.