There were four disasters on the spring premiere of 9-1-1 this week, maybe even five if we want to get a little loose with the terminology. There was a running story about a creep who abducted kids and raised them as his own, which is bad and not fun and was solved by Angela Bassett, who continues to be the only police officer in Los Angeles. There was the thing at the end where Jennifer Love Hewitt’s abusive ex showed up at her door and stabbed Chimney, the firefighter who almost died last season when a car accident jammed a piece of rebar into his brain through his forehead. And Angela Bassett’s judgmental mother came to visit and meet the new boyfriend, which might have actually been the bigger disaster of all.
But we’re not here to talk about those. We’re not here to talk about any of what I semi-lovingly refer to as the show’s “talky parts.” We’re here because things get weird on this show and someone — me, ideally — needs to document it. Let’s talk about some fun disasters. In fact, let’s pit them against each other and declare a winner. Let’s have ourselves a DISASTER SHOWDOWN, folks.
Yup. This is happening.
Mid-surgery gas leak!
The setup: A woman is going under anesthesia at a plastic surgery office. She is getting her face tightened up and lifted. As the staff is administering the medicine, she hears banging and is informed that there is construction happening in another part of the office. She wakes up later and discovers all of the staff is passed out around and on her, and she maintained consciousness throughout because of her oxygen tubes.
The emergency: I mean…
… that’ll do it. Not only did the staff pass out in the middle of her surgery, the construction workers passed out, too, included one who quite literally ran into a buzzsaw and woke up with the circular blade lodged in his chest. At least his face didn’t fall off of his head, though. Silver linings.
Analysis: I do not want my face to fall off of my head. I also do not want to wake up from anesthesia and discover my doctor is passed out on the floor. That sounds terrifying. One time I had to have a small procedure done and the anesthesiologist informed me, as I was going under, that the medicine they were giving me was “the Michael Jackson drug,” which was disconcerting for a number of reasons, including the fact that Michael Jackson died from it. That was upsetting enough, and I still woke up to a room full of alert doctors and my face still secured to my head. What I’m saying is that this is all not super ideal.