All Of The WTF Moments In ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show,’ Monsters Among Us

The highly anticipated premiere of American Horror Story: Freak Show finally aired last night with “Monsters Among Us” to much hype and fanfare, that — as I mentioned yesterday — ultimately paid off in the end, no matter how determined Ryan Murphy was to burn us out with endless teasers. From a cinematographic standpoint, the series is beautifully and artfully shot, and does an excellent job of capturing the era it’s set in. But who cares about that, because TERRIFYING CLOWN KILLER. And two-headed Sarah Paulson! There’s some excellent groundwork laid here making for what could above and beyond be the greatest season of this stupid ridiculous show, so let’s jump into the craziest, WTF moments from last night’s premiere.

Dumbest Milkman Ever Or Dumbest Milkman Ever?

OK, so we all know now that the clown killer wasn’t lurking in that house to make Milkman Pâté (and more on that in a bit) but the milkman obviously didn’t know that. What’s your end-game here, milkman? You find the body of a customer stabbed and brutally murdered so you’re going to go looking for the killer with a rolling pin? I think the milkman was a little over his head on this one, but fortunately it appears that he’ll live to put bottles of milk on porches again.

Can We Just Talk About Sarah Paulson’s Double Head

When it was announced that Sarah Paulson was going to be playing a two-headed woman, I was skeptical. It was going to have to be painstakingly flawless or the whole thing was just going to come off as corny. Thankfully I’m happy to report that they knocked it out of the park. Aside from the amazing special effects, Sarah Paulson’s portrayal of Bette and Dot is incredible, and details such as the split-screen POV shots and telepathy between the twins are also nice touches.

As Dot voiceovers in the start to the episode that she’s “entering the gates of hell,” I wondered how they were going to pull them into the freak show, especially as Dot was so combative to Elsa when she came to visit them in the hospital. Of course, the big reveal was that the old woman murdered in the beginning was actually the twins awful hag of a mother, and that they had killed her. Because what’s the point of a two-headed woman if she’s not going to be a murderer too? The reversal from Bette’s perspective halfway through as they jumped back to the scene of them entering the freak show, that “the future had never seemed brighter,” did a nice job of highlighting the polarizing personalities of the two women.

RIP Sex Couple You Knew Were Going To Eat It Within Five Seconds Of When They Appeared

Come on, couple about to bone on a picnic blanket in the middle of nowhere — it’s like have you even seen a horror movie before? But oh, what’s that? Just a nice clown with a terrifying face that looks like it came out of the dumpster? Nothing to be alarmed at, here. While the XX chromosome half of the couple did technically survive the episode, no good can come out of that magic school bus, where she’s being held captive with the boy whose parents Twisty also murdered. At least she’s stuck with a guy who’s really good at making balloon animals.