‘The Americans’ Anxiety Report: Things Are Very Topsy-Turvy At The Office


The Americans Anxiety Report is a weekly rundown of the people and things we are currently most worried about on the show. It will get weird because many of the people and things we will be worrying about will be tools in a plot to ruin America, put in motion by another country. Blame the show for this, not us.

10. Russian horses (Last week: Unranked)

We spent a not-insignificant amount of time flashing back this week, to see a young Elizabeth at the Paige-level of her own training. The point of it all was to get the things out there about not losing who you are and never leaving a comrade behind, the former of which explains some of her actions this week and the latter of which might explain her actions going forward. The lessons were illustrated with a scene that featured a mid-mission Elizabeth stumbling across a dying police officer and an injured horse and leaving them in the street so as not to interrupt the mission. Her handler was more concerned about the officer, obviously, as we all should be, because the officer was a human who was just doing his job and could have been saved, maybe, if Elizabeth had not already started down the path from human to soldier, but…

I mean…

I’m worried about that horse.

Really worried.

Too worried, some would say. Why, it’s almost like I’m displacing my feelings about this bleak show coming to an end with all of its characters screeching toward personal and/or professional destruction, and focusing instead on the health of a Russian horse I never met.

Almost like that.

9. The employees of Philip’s travel agency (Last week: Unranked)


These poor people. Look at what they’re dealing with. First, their boss goes full sales guru and starts giving them bad pep talks. Then, he lays off Stavos. Then, he starts having awkward and embarrassing conversations in front of them, like the one with Stan where he joking-but-not-joking pitched the idea of handling the FBI’s travel needs and Stan was all “Welllllllll…” in a way that said “This would have been a hard no even if I didn’t suspect you are a Russian spy, to the point that I’m showing pictures of you and your wife to everyone I meet.”