Anthony Bourdain Explores The Dysfunctional Sexual Relationships Of ‘iCarly’

Who the hell knows why Anthony Bourdain does the sh*t he does, except that he’s Anthony Bourdain, and he can do whateverthef*ck he wants to do. He can go on a dead-hooker tirade, he can bash Guy Fieri, or he can sit down for a meal with Omar and Marlo from The Wire. Why? Because he’s handsome and surly, that’s why.

You know what else he can do the day after New Year’s? He can sit in his goddamn pajamas, turn on “iCarly,” and explore the sexual relationships of the Nickelodeon characters on Twitter. BECAUSE HE’S ANTHONY BOURDAIN.

I’ve never seen an episode of iCarly, but what I can deduce from Bourdain’s tweets is that Carly is a c*ck tease who exploits Freddy’s obsession with her for free sweatshop labor, and Freddy lets him because of his dysfunctional relationship with his Mom. Also, Spencer is apparently a major f**k up. Great show you’re running there, Nickelodeon. What great role models you’re creating for our children.

My favorite fun fact about iCarly, however, is that it was created by Dan Schneider, who played Ricky in one of the best teen comedies of all time, Better Off Dead, a movie starring John Cusack that he would later disown, saying it was the worst thing he’s ever done in his career. Clearly, Cusack hasn’t seen anything he’s made in the last decade. What a d*ck.