Everything You Need To Know About Barry Dylan, Archer’s Unholy Abomination Of Metal Fused With Flesh

Just as Conway Stern made his almost-triumphant and now completely-handless return to Archer in this season’s second episode, “Three to Tango,” Sterling Archer and the spies formerly working for you know are about to face off with their greatest nemesis of all. This week, the former spy and current cyborg Barry Dylan returns to accomplish what seems to be the only goal in his now partially-robotic life – kill Sterling Archer. But will he ever actually complete his vengeful ambition? Obviously not, because Sterling would be dead and the show would lose a lot of its awesomeness (although if Sterling became a cyborg, he’d be practically immortal and that has legs…).

Instead, we have the supreme pleasure of watching as this already-wonderful feud takes its place among the all-time TV greats – the Ewings and the Barneses, Homer and Ned, Jerry and Newman, Hulk Hogan and the “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Inspector Gadget and Dr. Claw, and so on. Some might even argue that Sterling Archer vs. Barry Dylan is already the greatest television character rivalry of all-time, and it would be incredibly difficult to deny that. However, to those who are still on the fence or need a refresher course on why this rivalry is so heated and dangerous, let’s take a look back at Barry’s history on Archer ahead of this week’s episode, “Edie’s Wedding.”

“Job Offer”

Sterling: “Jesus, even their cards are nice. Lana, look at this… it’s embossed.”

After Sterling screwed up a mission, Barry arrived on the scene and offered Lana a job at ODIN. Like Sterling, Barry had a bit of a history with Lana, as they have been in a compromising situation or two…

Barry: “Sorry it took so long, and that I’m… accidentally inside of you.”
Lana: “Not a problem.”

Barry was engaged to be engaged to Framboise, AKA the Pelé of anal, but Sterling slept with her on his first day with ODIN. Add that to Sterling shattering Barry’s femur and shooting him in the arm, and Barry had no problem taking Sterling to Sub-Basement 3 to “put one in his ear.” Of course, Barry’s weakness was Lana, so not only did Sterling escape, but Barry took a lamp to the head in the process.

Score: Sterling 1, Barry 0

“A Going Concern”

Barry had already revealed that we was a little insane when he began talking to “Other Barry,” and this time he displayed his unnatural love of his trusty Desert Eagle handgun. He also kept up his creepy and dirty quest to have sex with Lana (again) on the false promise that she could have Malory’s job when ODIN purchased the company formerly known as you know, and that led to Sterling ruining the deal and foiling Barry’s plot.