Aubrey Plaza’s ‘Salty Sea Hags’ Blogspot From 2005 Is Enlightening, Frightening

Before she became synonymous with sarcastic masturbators, Parks and Recreation star Aubrey Plaza was, well, she was still the same lovable, twisted, impossible to figure out Aubrey Plaza, or as she’s known on Twitter, @evilhag. Where did that name come from? According to an interview she recently did with Rolling Stone:

I made a video, which is still on YouTube, called Teen Hag, and that’s when it started. It’s a parody of Teen Wolf, but it’s about a high school girl who turns into a hag. When I was in college, I had a blog called “Salty Sea Hag”, where I did political humor from the point of view of a sea witch living on the bottom of the ocean. My hag thing goes way back. (Via)

While you write Teen Hag Too in your head, here’s the original Teen Hag trailer.

But more importantly: “Salty Sea Hag.” An excerpt:

Two days ago, I put a spell on a sunken canoe and turned it into the ghost of my father.


And this:

Today, I was brought into a closed conference room and told that “NBC has found my blog.” While making no mention of the fact that my blog is written from the point-of-view of a witch living at the bottom of the ocean…they did inform me that the dog pictures I posted were property of NBC and must be removed immediately. It went a little like this…

Them: Uh….yeah those dog pictures? You’re going to have to get rid of them…

Me: Oh? The ones on my blog? My Salty Sea Hag blog?

Them: …yeah…the…salty…hag…whatever, just take those dogs down.

Me: Goodd, FINE!! Geez!!


I then stomped to my cubicle and blasted “Last Resort” by Papa Roach…and then judged more dogs. ding DING ding.

And this:

I sat there all night
And you did not come.
I held your present so tight
that I started bleeding on it.

Josh, you were it for me,
my only son and guest.
How could you sliver away
on baby-Jesus’ birthday?

don’t you know
that I bought you an ipod Nano?
And some mints…
and Adobe Photoshop Pro?

I will kill you
trap some snakes in a net
and sew you inside of
their bodies.

I think I like Plaza even more now.

(Via) (Via)